*So I ended up coming home to Plano for the weekend. (It was the last real chance I'd have to see my grandparents in the states before they go back to Taiwan.) But yea, my flight back to Austin (from Philly) passed through DFW, and I was strongly considering "missing" my connecting flight, and going straight home from DFW. It was actually very feasible, and I only narrowly decided against it, mainly cuz I had stuff in Austin I wanted to haul home. So I ended up flying back to Austin, then driving all the way back up to Dallas. Got in just before 5AM.

*So the interview actually went quite well I think. I wish they'd pay for us to stay in the city a little longer though; I got in close to midnight, slept, woke up, interviewed, then left basically. But I guess they figger, if we get a job offer, we'll have plenty of time to see the area. They had us staying in suites at the Marriott though- VERY high class.

So anyways, there were actually 2 separate interviews I guess. The first was more like, "Hey, these are some projects I'm working on. Do any of them sound interesting to you?" And the other was a certified grilling- a behavioral interview. But yea, the thing that worries me the most is the security clearance. Like it's proving to be a much bigger hassle than I would have imagined. (Without going into too much detail,) Just cuz I have relatives who aren't US citizens, I may be disqualified from working there. And I wanna just be like, "Dude, Uncle Sam, take a chill pill! Just cuz someone's not a US citizen doesn't mean they want your security secrets. Not everyone's after your lucky charms, man." Blugggg, what a hassle. I reeeeeeeaaally wanna work for them too. =(

Also, I've got to get myself one of those leather portfolio things. I was the only sucker among the group that went in with my crappy Mead paper folder, haha. I'm sure that just emanates class. Oh yea, and I forgot to get the business cards (or even the full names) of my interviewers, so I guess I don't really have any means of sending thank you e-mails either. Bah. Poorly played.

So out of the blue, I got an email Monday from Lockheed Martin asking if I'd like to interview with them. And of course I said yes (; Lockheed would probably be my number one choice if I had my pick of any company to work for). And I was absolutely elated, cuz this opportunity just basically fell in my lap; I hadn't been aggressively job hunting or anything recently. Anyways, then on Tuesday, I get another email that's all like, "We're so pleased you want to come for an interview. You'll have to make travel arrangements to be in Philadelphia at 11AM Friday." And my jaw dropped. I thought it was gonna just be like an on-campus interview or something. This is crazy. But yea, it's all expenses paid and everything, so I guess it's not so bad. But dang, I've never even had a job interview before, and the first one I get is the big one. And it's weird cuz I'd heard that for internships, they usually just do phone interviews. Seems kinda excessive to fly kids out to headquarters just for something as piddly as an internship. Oh well, I think it'll be an interesting experience... let's hope. I leave Thursday afternoon and get back Friday night.

Dat Phan, winner of NBC's Last Comic Standing, performed his stand-up act at the Union tonight. It was pretty good, but as expected, he basically just recycled half his jokes. But yea, man, the humorous nature of fobs just never ceases to amuse. His act reminded me a lot of Margaret Cho's early material, but he admitted to it, and I guess that a lot of break-out Asian comedians rely on jokes about culture. I don't blame 'em though- it's funny stuff. Afterwards, during his Q&A session, he expressed some views about cultural identity/mentality that I really agreed with.

*I also went in for early voting this afternoon. I dunno, I guess I thought it'd be a lot more exciting, but it was just like *click-click-click* and that was it. I dunno though- my study of government and the readings I've done on my own have made me somewhat disillusioned with the whole governmental process. I'm not sure what my feelings are about this electoral college thing, but I'd say it's skeptical at best. Oh well, I still go through the actions in this puppet show and do the whole civic duty thing and all.

Zero-Stress Day. My life's been a mess as of late, and I really need to find my bearings again, so I decided to take today off as a "zero-stress day." First off, I didn't do ANY of my hw due today. I slept in and skipped all my classes except for taekwondo. I napped and listened to music all afternoon, and laid in bed and thought a lot. Put forth a half-hearted attempt at a program due at night- but kept the brain in first gear as to prevent any stressing; turned in my PoS result and shrugged it off. Had dinner, then allowed myself to succumb to the food coma for a nap. Woke up and went to the gym for a work out. After that, I drove out to my secret spot for some stargazing while listening to tunes on my iPod. All in all, a very relaxing break from the stresses in my life. Perhaps I'll do it again sometime...

Resurrected feelings do not bury again easily. The excuses I gave myself the first time will not work again, it seems. I find myself having a very hard time letting go of something that (I suppose) was never truly mine in the first place.

...but I'm sick of agonizing, and I know this is nobody's fault but my own. I need to get on with my life. By whatever means necessary, I really... need... to fix my life. And I'm sorry to keep making you read letters, but it really is therapeutic for me to write them.

"We write to apologize,
We ask to look past life as it goes by
I know you have sacrificed time,
Life, love, time to fly.
Please consider all things trite,
Forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by.
I know to have something like this broken
Is hard to fix.

Embers, we're burning bridges down,
Envelopes stuffed with feelings found,
To write this down as means to reconcile."
~ Mae - "Embers and Envelopes"

TASA's 2nd annual Night Market was tonight. It went pretty well, I thought. AES did a DDR booth again, which turned out well. Later on, I also performed with the Shaolin team again- same show we always do, with mild variation. Afterwards, I went to the afterparty at Spiro's. Didn't have that much fun though. It started pouring outside before I got there, and I got soaked and was wet the whole time. Also, I saw something I wasn't prepared to see just yet, really ruined my mood for the evening. Went home dazed.

I attended Ballet Austin's production of Peter Pan tonight. It was quite entertaining actually. (I had no idea what to expect; I'd never attended a ballet before.) But yea, the main reason I went was cuz the Honors Center was offering discount tickets, and the Asian in me can't resist a bargain, hahaha. Plus, they always do like a mini lesson/seminar before the event so you learn something too. Anyways, the show was actually mildly comedic (intentionally), and I chuckled out loud a couple times. Overall, quite a positive experience.

*In other news, I've exceeded the 1 Terabyte mark for my outbound transfers on DC++. I don't know why that's anything to brag about, but for some reason it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, haha.

I attended my first football game this afternoon. I buy the all-sports package every year and then never go to any sporting events. My charitable donation to the sports program, I suppose. But anyways, we played Missouri today and won. The whole experience wasn't as exciting as I'd imagined. I thought it'd entail a lot more screaming, grunting, taunting and all other forms of outward machismo. But the event turned out to be much more subdued. I mean, I guess I did cheer a hell of a lot more than I would if I were watching a game on tv, but I thought the mob mentality of being in the crowd would be a lot more overwhelming and irresistible. I was also thrown off initially by the lack of that yellow line for 1st downs like they have on tv, haha. I wouldn't mind going to another game though- it was more entertaining in person, and hell, I've already paid for it anyways, right?

Went to a foam party tonight at Spiro's. It was kinda anti-climactic. I'd never been to a foam party before, and I guess I'd envisioned being waist-deep in foam the whole time. In reality though, the foam turned out to be more like ankle-deep mostly, knee-deep on occasion, and waist-deep ever so rarely. And the party was hosted by BXO, so it was largely a desi party; I saw my roommate there too, actually. And I mean, I'm down with Indians, but that's not my typical party crowd. In addition, I was waaaaaay too sober for that party. Plus, it was freaking cold, so overall I guess the experience was only mediocre. Also, I'd been kinda sick this past week, and the wet + cold didn't do good things for my health, I'm guessing- I felt miserable afterwards.

Lessons learned: there's a lot more liquid under that foam than at first appears; don't wear shoes to a foam party- your socks get soaked and your feet'll rot like a WWI soldier's; keep a jacket/towel/something to warm up with on the car for afterwards; the ziploc bag they give you is to keep your junk (i.e. cell phone) dry with

...but all that meant nothing to you apparently
once again I poured my emotions out into a vacuum
You've hurt me again, and so quickly too.
That's twice that I gave you my heart, twice that you pretended to care
2 for 2- that's a pretty good record, I'd say
I hope you had your fun; the price of this game is the heart of your victim.
"It's better to have loved and lost..."? Well dang it, how many times do I have to lose it to get the point? Quit beating a dead horse.

I should have trusted my suspicions, trusted my instincts. Why would you want to come back? I have nothing new to offer from the last time. You came out of nowhere saying you wanted to get back together. Nothing good would ever happen without cause.

It's not your fault, though... you can't help what's in your heart. Though you COULD have done without destroying me again. If you felt nothing, why did you tell me you wanted to try again? It's not your fault, but you are undeniably the cause of this pain and anger.

I have no more words for you right now. Please... just... leave me alone for awhile.

"Look at me,
My depth perception must be off again
Cuz this hurts deeper than I thought it did,
It has not healed with time.
It just shot down my spine...
You looked so beautiful tonight
Reminds me how you laid us down
and gently smiled,
Before you destroyed my life...

Would you find it in your heart
To make this go away,
and let me rest in pieces?"
~ Saliva - "Rest in Pieces"

how i did enjoy those evenings spent...
exploring the countless ways two hands can interlock
running my fingers through your hair as you slept
letting my arm go numb beneath your sleeping head
learning how i sigh when i hug like i mean it

back in business. screwed on hw, but it was worth it. LC =)