Contemplating a Deal With the Devil. If you’ve talked to me at all in the past several months, you probably know that landing a job is the big thing on my mind these days. I haven’t been hearing back from as many companies as I’d hoped; even (or perhaps especially) the ones I’d seriously expected to. As time runs out and my options dwindle, I feel like I’m being backed into a corner. (Or perhaps it’s just my realistic possibilities coming into clearer focus.)

Well, one of the few options remaining has been looking more and more enticing every day. I flew out for an interview in Houston this week, and I won’t specify with whom just yet, but suffice to say that it’s in the oil business. (One of several oil companies I'm looking at.) If you’d told me 3 years ago that I’d be in this position, I wouldn’t have believed you. But I’m taking an aircraft design course this semester that I had thought would be a blast, but that instead I find tedious, boring, and unrewarding. So now there’s doubt in my head.

I guess the big thing running through my head these days is: am I ready to throw away 4 years of aerospace engineering education to do something completely different? What if that’s the only place I can get hired? What if the pay is good? (...and believe me, it IS good.) Perhaps more importantly: am I ready to throw away my childhood dream? This is a crossroads, for certain, and if I should choose to turn and walk down this path (the path of the oil man), it will be very hard to return to the direction I had been going in. Can I see myself as a lifetime oil industry person?

And would it be a conflict of interest? Cringing at the pump with everyone else so that my paycheck stays high? (In general, high price per barrel hurts the consumer while helping investors and workers of the oil industry.) How would I feel being one of the few who prospers off the pain and suffering of others? Ugghhh... I feel like I’m being presented with a moral dilemma. Oil isn’t exactly the most morally and ethically scot-free industry in the world, but then again, neither is aerospace/defense, I suppose.

I guess I’ll talk about the aerospace first. It hadn’t bothered me for years and years, but recently the moral problem presented by the products I would be helping to make kinda got to me. Judging by the companies left that have expressed some interest in hiring me, I would likely be making either fighter jets or missiles- both of which are designed, more or less, to kill people. Tools of war, at any rate, and if you’ve never talked politics with me at all, I’m something of a dove/pacifist. And yea, I guess you can justify weapons as having 'em so you never have to use 'em, like why you (should) train martial arts. Or that we’re using 'em to protect ourselves from those who would do us harm. But in recent years my mistrust of the government has been mounting; can I trust my government to accurately and honestly identify our enemies? Can you give a crooked cop a baton and trust him not to pull a Rodney King? “With great power comes great responsibility,” "absolute power corrupts absolutely," and all that jazz. Could I sleep at night if I made a living as a merchant of death? (Though it would be pretty cool if that were the formal job title, heh.)

Ok, well what about the oil industry? As a cynical (if somewhat naïve) liberal, I’d always seen the oil business as being symbolic of /synonymous with the Republican Party and all their ideals- something to hate and turn my nose up at. I’d seen it as a tool for widening the wealth gap- price at the pump hurting the poor while filling the pockets of the rich. I’d been conditioned to think of it in terms of the pollution and the global warming that have been killing our environment, oil interests lobbying to keep Congress from upping fuel economy standards. I’d known it for being the ball-and-chain in our foreign policy (energy dependence), and being the reason for our pandering treatment towards shady Middle Eastern governments, and our meddling in the affairs of that region in general. I’d pegged oil as the contemptible substance responsible for our involvement in Iraq. And then I watched Syriana and that was like the iceberg that made me think Heeeeelll NO, I’ll NEVER work in the oil industry!

...how fast we change our minds. Does working in the oil business go against everything I stand for? Well, yes and no. As enthusiastic as I am about hybrid cars and (to some extent) fuel cell technology, we’re still a LONG ways away from not needing oil- and in the meantime, we definitely can’t do without it. It’s a dirty job (both literally and philosophically), but someone’s gotta do it... or rather, someone will do it, even if I don’t. So is it so bad to wanna make a buck? If I work domestically, at least that’d be working to reduce energy dependence- so the work wouldn’t be completely against my political ideals, right? ...Uggghhh, am I just making excuses for myself now? Trying to justify selling out to the Man?

How much are your ideals worth? What’s the price for your soul? Would you make a deal with the Devil for the chance to make it big? As my brother told me over Spring Break, “If you’re gonna sell out, you might as well get rich in the process.” This is probably the best pay ANY engineer can get straight out of college. (Field engineering is like the engineering equivalent of investment banking- crazy hours, but for crazy pay.) Not to mention the other job factors that are enticing as well. But have no doubt, this IS a Faustian bargain indeed- the industry is only hiring like crazy cuz the market’s doing great right now, and they’re forecasting (quite optimistically in my opinion) that it'll only grow more in the next few years. If When the oil bubble pops though, the horde of sunny-day hires will most certainly get burned. I’d be banking on the sustainable near-future of the oil industry: Could I make it up to a safe enough level before the inevitably cyclical nature of the oil industry catches up? Do deals with the Devil EVER turn out well? I dunno, the truth is, EVERY industry has its share of demons; it's just a matter of which ones you choose to turn a blind eye to. NOTHING is as black & white, as good vs. evil, as we often want to believe.

*sigh* But is this who I am? Who I wanna be? =/ I dunno, I say I wouldn’t mind working in a field outside of aerospace, but I think deep down, part of me still does wish that an aerospace company would at least give me an offer. Like I thought I was ready to give it all up, but every time I hear the Top Gun theme, it still sends a chill down my spine and gives me goosebumps.

The Last Spring Break… EVER(?). So this past week was probably the last time I’ll ever experience that carefree week in mid-March. I spent a few days up in New York visiting my brother, then flew out to Las Vegas where I stayed with 6 other people in one hotel room. Overall it was pretty fun I guess, though ultimately it wasn’t all that relaxing (losing money seems to have that effect =/). I dunno, I guess this was just the last chance to hang out with my friends for an extended period of time, and I don’t feel like I necessarily came away with a whole lot of lasting memories.

New York. I flew out to New York on Friday night and stayed till Tuesday morning, crashing at my brother’s apartment in Chinatown. The night I got there, I ended up playing Sid Meier’s Civilization 4 until like 6 in the morning (I hadn’t gamed in like half a year).

On Saturday, me & my brother got some dim sum, then he took me around town to all the touristy sites. I saw the Statue of Liberty from afar, walked down Wall Street, grabbed an NY-style hot dog (kraut & mustard?), visited the WTC site (Ground Zero), Century 21, Times Square, 5th Avenue, the Rockefeller Center, and Grand Central Station. Then we went to a Thai restaurant called Klong for dinner in this weird like Japanese/Goth/punk district. Then we went down the street to this real kitschy Japanese place for some uber-cheap beers & sake where you get to make your own complimentary cotton candy- weird. Then we went to a karaoke place under my brother’s apt- it was full of middle aged folk who looked at us real weird, but we stayed. Drank too much and tossed my cookies.

On Sunday, we went to Katz’s Deli, which is supposed to be kinda famous; it was the first time I’ve had a real pastrami on rye. Then we went down to Broadway, where we watched Avenue Q- it’s been described as an un-politically correct puppet show, which I guess is pretty accurate. It was like watching Sesame Street with an adult twist. “What do you do with a B.A. in English?”, “Everyone’s a little bit racist,” ahahaha. And I learned that’s where the “Internet is for Porn” song I’d heard on the web was from. After the show, we walked around Central Park for a bit; it’s freaking HUGE. Got some fresh(-ish) honey roasted nuts, then ambled around Union Square, then went for dinner/tapas at Sala with my 2nd(?)-“aunt” Leslie (my grandma’s cousin’s kid). “Aunt” in the sense that like any of your female relatives of ambiguous relation are “aunts”.” But yea, I hadn’t seen her in like 10 years; didn’t even remember what she looked like. That night, me & Dean played (started) a multiplayer game of Civ4. He slept early cuz he had to work the next day, but I continued playing till 8am, when my brother woke up! I hadn’t planned on pulling an all-nighter, but as often happens when I get caught up in a game, I just completely lost track of time. THAT’s why I don’t really let myself play computer games in college any more.

I ended up waking up around like noon or so on Monday. I had planned on spending the day at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, but turns out it’s closed on Mondays. So I ended up going down the street to the Guggenheim. They had a metalwork exhibit of pieces by David Smith that I really liked. Spent several hours there, then me, Dean, and Leslie went to a French steakhouse called Steak Frites that served French Fries with the steaks; it was just alright, not amazing. After dinner, we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge; I didn’t see what was so special about it, but it’s supposedly famous for its view. That night, I played some more multiplayer Civ4 with my brother, and hit the hay early. Flew out of NY in the morning.

But yea, me & my brother have never been extremely close, and I guess this trip was one of the first times I really got a chance to sit down and talk to him. I got a better picture of what he wants to do with his life- he badly wants to get out of the rat race and be an entrepreneur. It sounds like he’d rather fail miserably taking a chance than just eke by in life. I dunno, I just personally can’t bring myself to do anything so risky. (He & I have always been pretty dissimilar in our thinking.)

Las Vegas. I arrived in Vegas around noon on Tuesday, after which the days just kinda blurred together- just like they want it to at casinos. We stayed at Excalibur cuz it was the cheapest hotel on the Strip, and we crammed 7 people into a room. It was: me, Michael, Tony, Amit, Ashwin, Frank, and Kevin (Cherry’s brother). A typical day for me would be waking up for a brunch buffet, food coma, wake up and gamble for a bit, go back to the room to watch some tv, eating a dinner buffet, food coma, wake up and gamble more, then finish off with some more tv.

I ended up losing about $250 on craps and video blackjack. I just don’t know when to walk away from the table. =/ I guess the thing I learned from all this is to be even more skeptical of get-rich-quick schemes (e.g. gambling). I’ll take my money the old-fashioned way: working for it. (Hah, that’s the kinda talk that keeps you in the rat race though, I suppose. =/) At any rate, losing a few hundred bucks definitely puts a sour taste in your mouth.

We went and watched Cirque du Soleil’s Ka. It was visually very beautiful- like watching paintings in motion. And it had the coolest stage I’ve ever seen… EVER. But it was fairly lacking in the traditional Cirque-style acrobatics and whatnot. And also, we had thought that it was a martial arts themed show, so me & Mike were thoroughly disappointed at the fact that there’s only like 5 minutes of wushu in the whole show. Good jumps, mediocre technique- acrobats taught to wave swords around.

Revenge of the Nerds. Some of the best conversations with your friends are had at 4 in the morning. I think at heart, we’re all a little scared that deep down, despite whatever progress we’ve made, we’re still just the nerdy kids- always have been, always will be.

So we spent a good amount of the trip just sitting in the room watching tv. And we caught an episode of MTV’s “Made” in which a stereotypical nerdy Asian kid wants to be a breakdancer so that he’ll be cool. We all got a good chuckle out of how awkward he was, but really it was a lot more nervous laughter than anything else. The idea of a nerdy Asian kid wanting desperately to be cool just hits a little too close to home. =/ We certainly didn’t want to turn out this socially inept, but it happened, and this is who we are. We’ll never be the “cool” kids; I think we faced the facts long ago…