Sunday, May 25, 2008

*Regarding my failed Canada bid, V: "We're all disappointed FOR you; we're not disappointed IN you."

...on some level, I guess I knew that. I know I can be my own worst critic sometimes, but I really DID feel like I let my friends down by hyping it up like a sure thing, and then not delivering. Maybe sometimes you just need to hear the words of reassurance out of other ppl's mouths to put your heart at ease(?).

I dunno, nowadays I keep telling myself that it wasn't what I would've wanted anyways, that things turned out for the better... I dunno if I really feel that way, or if I just need to convince myself of it so I can move on? =/

Thursday, May 15, 2008

"Every time I try to leave, something keeps pulling me back, me back." Funny (read: "sad") how things have a way of never working out the way I hope. It seems to be a recurring theme for me that I just can't seem to get where I wanna go in this life. =/

*Ok, well, since it's not happening now anyways, I guess it won't hurt to mention now, that a couple posts ago, I alluded to some big shakeup in the works for me. At the time, I'd been negotiating and finagling for an internal transfer to my company's office in Montreal, Canada. And I talked to a couple of managers with connections, and I had been given the impression that with a couple emails & phone calls, this job was as good as mine. This transfer was supposed to be as "in the bag" as anything would ever be. I even checked out a couple Montreal guidebooks and French language books from the library in anticipation.

Well, this week, I got a call telling me that they'd given the job I applied for to a guy from London. *le sigh* Heartbreak! =( I know that technically, no promises were ever made, and I never had anything in writing, but I still can't help but feel a bit slighted. (It's as if my whole experience with Schlumberger taught me nothing. Gotta learn to stop counting my eggs before they hatch. =/) I feel like such a chump. So it was back to the drawing board (; more on this in a sec).

So I've got this vague list of things-to-do I'd like to accomplish in my career, and working internationally has always been on it. And when it came up that this was an immediately available possibility, I was super psyched. Within the company, there are occasional opportunities to go abroad. (I had also had my eye on office locations in Brisbane and Perth, Australia.) But alas, I guess it was not to be. I've come to the conclusion that it's all about WHO you know in this company. But I guess no matter how well connected you THINK you are, there's always bound to be someone else who knows even MORE powerful & influential ppl than you. =/

(text removed) I've got a lot more things to say that I probably shouldn't post publicly. "If you can't say anything nice... don't say nothing at all."

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade you shut up and eat your [dang] lemons." I'm trying my darnedest to make lemonade, but it's tough sometimes. =/ Whatever, forget Canada... who needs 'em!? =(

Anyways, so after having had some time to reflect (I had actually vaguely seen the rejection coming when they didn't get back to me for a few weeks), I thought about what my backup plans & contingencies were. I came to the conclusion that if I shuffle around my priorities for the next 10 years and bump "work internationally" down on my career to-do list, I suppose the next highest priority would be to get a graduate degree.

It is SO easy to just sit here all day and say "I'd LIKE to do this and that... eventually." But it's time to man up- I don't wanna be the type that's all talk and no action. Sometimes you just gotta stand up and take charge of your own life. I claimed that a big shakeup is in the works... am I gonna make a liar of myself? Time for ultimatums? The squeaky wheel gets the grease, right? ...or was it the nail that sticks up gets hammered? Dangit! >_<

"It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money." ~Jack Handey

Friday, May 02, 2008

Liv-ing It Up. So I had a pretty big scare recently revolving around my liver.

I'm taking medication for my high blood pressure, and as a general precaution, you have to get a blood test every year to make sure the meds aren't messing up your kidney. And while they were at it, they run it through the usual gauntlet of tests to make sure nothing else was wrong.

So anyways, I went and got my blood drawn like the Monday or Tuesday after a weekend of hard drinking & partying for my boss's (boss's boss's) going-away party. And a couple days later, I get a call from my doctor, saying they found signs consistent with inflammation of the liver. And she danced around the issue, saying it could be caused by a number of things. But in my mind, I was freaking OUT cuz from my rudimentary knowledge of medical terminology, I know that if you translate "inflammation of the liver" into Latin, it's "hepatitis!" And I started to get real scared, cuz if it WAS hepatitis, then I wouldn't be able to drink... for the rest of my LIFE! (Or at least that's what my friends with hepatitis have told me: "It could kill me!")

Anyways, so the doctor told me to go in for a follow-up test, and not to drink for like a week beforehand. And this was actually an issue, cuz we've been having a lot of going-away parties for departing co-workers. So I had to attend two of these parties stone-cold sober, and lemme tell ya: it is AWKWARD for me to make small talk when I'm sober. >_< And I had to be all like "sorry, I can't drink- doctor's orders... LITERALLY!" at least 10 times.

But yea, so I went in for the follow-up, and the doctor gave me a bit of background. So my liver enzymes in my recent test had doubled since my blood test a year ago. If it spikes up like 10x, then they know it's probably like a temporary liver virus or something that's curable. But if it just goes up a little like mine did, then there's the possibility that it's hepatitis B or C(?). BUT there was also the possibility that it had spiked due to drinking [a stupefying amount] of alcohol (I don't recall the exact phrase she used, but I remember it woulda been hilarious if I weren't so scared). Anyways, so I was just praying that it was only lingering aftereffects of over-boozing the weekend before. They drew my blood again after I had been "clean" for ~a week and a half, and I had to wait a grueling half week before they called back, and...

MY LIVER IS FINE! I was so relieved. It was the best news I've gotten in months. And to celebrate, I punished that liver and made it work for its time off at another co-worker's going-away that night, heheh.

But yea, I'm still wondering about what the heck went wrong at the boss's going-away. Like, me & (my Russian co-worker) Sergei were both completely plastered out of our minds, even though we both pride ourselves on being able to hold our fair share of liquour. We're convinced we got roofied, or at least "slipped a mickey" or something. We were so gone that we both lost our phones that night. I ended up finding mine; he had to get a new one. And anyways, whatever it was, it was strong enough to stay in my system for like 3 or 4 days and still show up in the blood test- that's pretty wild.