So I finally got around to submitting my resume online to the companies I wanted to... and as for the ones that required printing stuff out and mailing, I just said, "screw it." Man, I probably oughta sign up for interviews too, but I didn't bring any of my good dress clothes down here, and I'd hate to make a bad impression. Blah, oh well, I'll kick it into high gear in the Spring.

Haven't heard any new techno that's been any good recently, so I'm getting back into alternative music. It's good stuff. Brings back memories.

My throat's getting sore. I think I'm sick. Blahhh... I guess all-nighters aren't good for the immune system. =/

Ugggghhhh... so it's nearly 7am and I'm still up. The timestamp of this entry is authentic. I've been up all night doing structural analysis hw. Dang it, I don't get that class for beans. For hw, we had to write a program to solve stress analysis problems- it woulda been about a 30 minute copy/paste job, but I decided to try to learn it as I was doing it, and it ended up taking me about 6 hours. =/ I still don't really get it. I got my program to work for structures in 2 dimensions, but my 3-D one wouldn't. Whatever, it's not that important to me. Man, dang it, at what point did I relegate myself to mediocrity? ...nevermind, I know exactly when. =/

*Man, I recall how in days past, teachers would occasionally tell you fake deadlines. On the rare occasions that it did, it usually happened on projects or some other assignment that took an absurd amount of effort- the kind of stuff you could pull an all-nighter or two for and still not finish. And then you'd walk into class disappointedly with your half-finished work in your hand, and then the teacher's like, "Whoa, just kidding guys. Take another day." And you breathe the biggest sigh of relief ever cuz your average has just been saved, if only for awhile. Similar, but absolutely useless, was the concept of having (graded) reading progress checks for novels. In high school English class, the teachers would look in our books for highlighted/underlined passages to see if we read or not. I remember how me (and most of my friends) would sit in the cafeteria on those mornings, flipping to random pages and frantically highlighting passages of absolutely no significance and then praying like hell that the teacher didn't actually read what we highlighted. Hah, I bet they did though. Man, what silly children we were (are).

I just got back from watching Better Luck Tomorrow again at the Union. Man, I love that movie- it captures my sentiments about the fakeness of high school very well.

But yea, that was a good way to wrap up the hard part of my week. This week has seriously just been hell week. Last night I was up until 6am doing spacecraft dynamics hw. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that hw for each class takes roughly 5 hours these days. So I can basically only do hw for one hardcore class a night before I start losing it. It wouldn't be like this if I could just cure this little procrastination problem of mine, but hyea right, like THAT's gonna happen, right? Old habits die hard.

I realized this week that the mere sight of connecting lines and dots on paper is enough to send a shiver down my spine. It's likely the result of structural analysis class, and an underlying fear of beams and truss structures, which when simplified on paper, turn into lines and dots. The sight of these otherwise simple triangles and squares evokes all kinds of thoughts about matrix equations and linear algebra. It kinda reminds me of something I heard once about the way they used to train dancing bears. They'd catch a bear and then place him on burning hot coals, and cuz of the pain, the bear would stand up on its hind legs so that his front paws wouldn't burn as well. And all the while, they'd play a certain song over and over again. And eventually, they could just play the song, and the bear would be reminded of the pain and stand up on his own without the coals. A sickening example of Pavlov's dog indeed, but I ask you, are we not the dancing bears now? =/

That reminds me of how as a child, I had to take asthma medicine. And before I learned how to swallow pills, my mom would pop open the pill and pour the contents over a spoonful of maple syrup and have me down it. The medicine gave the syrup a distinct bitter aftertaste that lingered in your mouth and made you wanna hurl. Eventually I learned to swallow and ended that episode, but for years to come, I would have a fear of the taste of maple syrup. I'm starting to get better about it, but to this day, a lot of times, I prefer having honey on my pancakes and waffles instead.

*Went and played poker with Kent, YiLin, H-town Daniel, D. Yeh, and John. I think this was the only time I recall actually having fun while playing poker- I just don't get what people see in the game. Lost $10, but "it's all in the tribe." Was probably up till 4ish. Gotta wake up early and do hw before my 10am class too. Whatever.

I went to the Engineering EXPO today (basically a job fair). It was a lot smaller this year, I guess cuz the economy's been bad. But yea, it was different going this year, cuz I was actually trying to get a job- as opposed to going just for the sake of picking up goodies. I figger this is my best chance, before I blow my GPA (which I'm more and more convinced is going to happen this semester). So I talked to a couple companies and handed out a few of my resumes. I'm hoping for a summer internship with one of the following: Lockheed Martin, Boeing, Raytheon, Ball Aerospace, GM, or the Aerospace Corporation.

Man, a lot of companies just tell you to submit your resume online. One company even handed my resume back to me and said, "That's your reminder to submit online." ...I thought that was pretty cold. But yea, man, I need to learn how to make small talk and sling the BS better... I'd just run out of things to say to the recruiters so fast, and then it's just like, "ummmm, yea... so I'll check out your website, thanks." And then I'd walk off feeling like a fool. =(

Oh yea, and one of the recruiters I talked to was really young- looked like a student. And when I finished talking to him, without thinking, I gave him one of those hand sliding against hand kind of highfives as opposed to a standard handshake. And he just gave me the weirdest look, like uhh, what are you DOing? I realized what I did halfway through, and I thought to myself, MAN, that was stupid.

And I managed to get a Rubick's cube from Microsoft. I had to like beg since they're only supposed to give 'em to likely job candidates I think. They had to take one of my resumes for it (that was the rule); so now they've got some aerospace engineering resume for no good reason, haha. I really wonder how influential it is giving out these resumes at job fairs is, if everyone just tells you to submit it online anyways. I think the politics of the job hunting game is definitely changing- for better or worse, I'm not quite sure yet.

*I was planning to get thoroughly smashed tonight, but it didn't happen. I went over to Kent's place, and watched The Goonies on tv. I took a couple shots of whiskey, and we downed about half a bag of Tostitos. Dang, I just can't stomach the taste of whiskey. I was slightly tipsy, but nowhere near where I wanted to be. Some thoughts just get a lot clearer when they're not restrained by the chains of sobriety. The drunken mind accepts what the sober heart will not concede...

"I know, we're just like old friends,
We just can't pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can't help but feel
That something has been lost
But please, you know you're just like me
Next time, I promise we'll be perfect...
Perfect...
Perfect strangers down the line
Lovers out of time
Memories unwind
So far, I still know who you are,
But now I wonder who I was..."
~ Smashing Pumpkins - "Perfect"

I chilled with Tony & Minnie tonight, and we ordered wings. I wasn't really hungry at all, but I just felt like eating and eating... eating my heart out. We watched My Sassy Girl (my 3rd time). It was the unedited version this time; the new scenes reveal a little more and they changed the music in some parts, but it drags things out and dulls the impact of certain scenes. But one part of the movie rang really close to home this time around, and it got me kinda emotional. Dang it... emotions resurging.

This afternoon, I attended the 3rd annual P&Gitas for AES. Basically, Proctor & Gamble sponsors a meal for all the minority engineering organizations and meets students and whatnot. Pretty good stuff, considering it was free and all. But yea, then I talked with some of the officers, and I think I've got a tendency to speak quite frankly when I'm relaxed. And I think I said some stuff that'll get a buttload more work thrown in my direction. Arrrrrrr!

Speaking of which, today was International Talk Like a Pirate Day, but I was hardly in the mood. I did it a little online, but not in person. Maybe next year. =/

"Yea, there's a hole in my soul
But one thing I've learned
For every love letter written
There's another one burned"
~ Aerosmith - "Hole in my Soul"

A haiku of my own composition:
me... the Bic lighter...
a summer's worth of mem'ries
scattered in the wind.

"Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.

Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, swing, swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
to carry on again."
~ The All-American Rejects - "Swing Swing"

Dr. Mark (former deputy administrator of NASA) held another lecture about the Columbia accident today. This one briefly discussed the impact of the foam insulation against the leading edge of the wing, and the resulting plasma flow during re-entry. A lot of the talk was also about the Challenger, and seemed to be Dr. Mark blowing his own horn, but I guess he's entitled to it. He talked about the "NASA culture" and ragged on how technically unqualified people were being appointed to positions of high leadership, where they were being asked to make decisions they weren't informed about. He also talked about how you can't run an organization like NASA under the close supervision of some kind of safety office, cuz something always goes wrong, and in the end, it's a judgement call as to whether a given set of risks is worth taking.

Another interesting tidbit mentioned in the lecture was regarding the International Space Station. The ISS was originally conceived as a staging base for trips to the moon or to mars, cuz after you've achieved orbital velocity, you're already more than half way to escape velocity. However, the nature of the ISS changed when we (the U.S) decided to include the Russians. This was largely a political decision; to encourage political ties, but also to keep the former Soviet rocket scientists busy so they wouldn't turn their attention to nukes. However, when they decided to include the Russians, they had to put the station into a high inclination orbit (closer to around the poles than just the equator) that renders it pretty useless for interplanetary travel. A plus though, is that we get to use their launch sites to re-supply the ISS also. It's a tradeoff either way, but the ISS no longer serves its original purpose.

"If there was nothing that I could say,
Turned your back and you just walked away

Leaves me numb inside I think of you,
Together is all I knew.

We moved too fast but I had no sign,
I would try to turn the hands of time

I look to you for a reason why
The loved we had passed me by.

And as the sun would set you would rise,
Fall from the sky into paradise.

Is there no light in your heart for me?
You've closed your eyes, you no longer see.

There were no lies between me and you,
You said nothing of what you knew,

But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralyzed.

You could give a million reasons, change the world and change the tides,
Could not give me the secrets of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me now there is no peace of mind.
Your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind..."
~ Chicane - "No Ordinary Morning"

When you sign up for weightlifting class, you get a complimentary physical exam. One of the options for this is to get a DEXA test (Dual Energy X-ray Absorptiometry). This gives you a breakdown of your body composition, % body fat, and all that good stuff. It's supposed to be really accurate. So anyways, I went in and got the DEXA test done today. You lie on this platform thing while this mechanical arm thing moves over you scanning and shooting low power x-rays through your body. Takes like 5 minutes maybe.

Well anyways, the results confirmed what I thought: I am overweight. It breaks it down and gives you all the humbling details. Here's some of the more relevant stuff: my current weight is approximately 199.5 lbs. My total body fat percentage is around 23% (22 if you factor in the head). Over half of my fat is concentrated in my "trunk," and my arms are significantly leaner (normal for guys). I burn an estimated 2600 calories a day. And if I were to keep all my muscle while burning off just fat, if I wanted to get down to 15% body fat, I would only weight 183 lbs.

To put this in perspective: anything over 25% is obese, 24-20% is "overweight," 8-19% (desired) would be like 6-pack visible range, and anything less than 8% is like Ethiopian. So yea, looks like I'm closing in on that obese category. =/

*In other news, I finished up the Trigun series this past weekend. I'd describe it as like Kenshin with a gun. It's pretty good, but man, what's the deal with all these good animes having such disappointing endings? Maybe they're just way too subtle, and the brutish American intellect is incapable of picking up on the intricate hints at what really happens. Or maybe I'm just stupid, hahaha.

Memorial events for today's occasion were minimal. The only formal ceremony (that I'm aware of) was the playing of taps in the early morning. Other than that, the only real remembrance was that they told people to bring flowers and place them on the steps of the main building. When I went at 9pm, there were much fewer flowers than I expected. Probably doesn't help that there's not a conveniently located flower shop around (at least, not that I know of, anyways).

When I finished my last class around 8, clouds were beginning to gather. I rushed home and made some origami flowers out of colored Post-It notes. (It took me awhile to get the hang of it.) I walked over to the main tower, placed my "flowers" in the arrangement, and knelt on the steps in observance. Raindrops began to fall... Mother Nature shed her tears of sympathy...

...how quickly we forget...

Tonight was Mid-Autumn Festival. I had some plans for moongazing, but they didn't quite pan out. =/ So I took the mooncake that I had, cut it up, and distributed it to the Chinese folk I knew here at the honors dorms. Then I went out onto the Blanton balcony and admired the moon by myself. It was... calming. The celestial bodies always fill me with a sense of wonder: thinking about how fast they must be travelling, yet they appear to just hang there effortlessly in the sky; how large everything is, yet how tiny they appear. How serene the moon looks from so far away.


静夜思
李白
 
床前明月光
疑是地上霜
舉頭望明月
低頭思故鄉

[I saw the moonlight before my bed,
And wondered if it were not frost on the ground.
I raised my head towards the glowing moon,
I bowed my head and thought of my far-away home.]
~ Li Bai - "thoughts on a tranquil night"

My phone's display always used to say "VStream" on it. So I was quite surprised when I woke up this morning, and saw that the display said "VoiceStream" instead. Hmmm... quite out of the blue. Maybe they installed a new tower near here or something- I do seem to be getting slightly better reception. But yea, it's kinda weird still, cuz I think T-Mobile bought out VoiceStream sometime back, so I don't know why everyone's phone doesn't just say "T-Mobile." Oh well, I suppose it doesn't really change anything at all. I just thought it was interesting.

Man, the goose down pillow I got yesterday still smells of the goose. Now I think the back of my head smells kinda goosey also. Blehhhh... i stuffed some Bounce sheets under the pillow covers just now. Hopefully that'll alleviate the problem by tonight.

*So I went and watched Juon again with Louise, Pearl, Michael, Rudy, etc. tonight. I'm not exactly sure why, but it like seriously wasn't scary at all this time- as Pearl was so apt to point out. Now, granted, she is more ballsy than most people I know (guys included), that still doesn't account for the disparity between no one being scared tonight vs. last night where me and the guys all screamed like little girls.

And it's not just that I knew what would happen this time around. I think the scariness of a movie is directly proportional to the size of the screen, the effectiveness of the surround sound, and the unfamiliarity of the venue in which you watch it. All three of these areas were lacking tonight, and added up to a rather disappointing scare. And also, I think you have to watch the made for tv version first for the theatrical movie to make much sense. And plus, you need to have a lot more patience to watch Japanese movies compared to American movies- stuff just happens sooooo much slower. Some call it "suspense," others call it "boring," hahaha.

I've been looking into getting myself a butterfly knife for some time now, but was concerned about the legality of it. So I did some researching, and apparently the laws vary from state to state. In Texas, of particular note are penal code Sec. 46.01, 46.03, and 46.05

I thought I'd found a loophole in 46.05 where you can own a butterfly knife if it's as a "curio"- a novelty/collector's item. But then I went back to 46.03 and saw that it's illegal to possess one on the premises of an educational institution- and seeing as how I live at school, I guess that doesn't work so well. And add to that the Federal law that says you're not supposed to be able to get one in the mail or across state lines anyways, and it adds up to quite a predicament. But hell, I dunno... maybe I'll get a knife anyways cuz seriously, as they say: "it's not illegal until you get caught," right? Heheheh.

I dunno, I mean, I certainly don't plan to go killing anyone anytime soon or anything- from my (very limited) practice in the art of knife fighting, half the time I prefer to just use the knife as a distraction while I do most of the pummeling with my fists/feet... but that's a whole 'nother story. But yea, I think the benefits of knife ownership are probably 99% psychological. You just feel like you're in less danger. And anyways, if anyone ever pulls a gun on you, knife or no-knife, you hand over your wallet, no questions asked, hahaha.

___________

In other news, I finished reading Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five this afternoon, making it the first and only book of "leisure" reading I've successfully completed while at UT (either year). It was a good book; like Catch-22 in a lot of ways, but slightly less oddball. Here's one of my favorite passages from the book: (after being abducted by aliens)

Billy licked his lips, thought a while, inquired at last: "Why me?"
"That is a very Earthling question to ask, Mr. Pilgrim. Why you? Why us for that matter? Why anything? Because this moment simply is. Have you ever seen bugs trapped in amber?"
"Yes." Billy, in fact, had a paperweight in his office which was a blob of polished amber with three lady-bugs embedded in it.
"Well, here we are, Mr. Pilgrim, trapped in the amber of this moment. There is no why."

So me and the guys watched Juon, the japanese horror film, last night. We watched both the made for tv movie and the theatrical one. I actually screamed out of pure horror during the tv one; my screams during the theatrical one were more frequent and less intense. After it was over, I didn't think it was that bad, though I'll admit, on the walk home, I turned around probably every 30 seconds to check behind me. Same thing with the shower (just the fact that I worked up the courage to actually shower was an accomplishment in itself)- I musta turned around a total of like 10 times, and not kept my eyes closed for more than 5 seconds at a time... and I think there was a lot of unnecessary elbow flailing during those 5 second stretches, hahah. So I watched Trigun after that for an hour or so to get my mind off of Juon.

I got to sleep okay, but then this morning, as I was kinda starting to stir, I kept getting images in my head of white-bodied children and contortionist ladies peeking out from all corners of my room- and I'd awaken in speechless fear. After this happened 3 or 4 times, I decided it was time to get out of bed.

And then just a sec ago, someone called my room phone (even though I seriously never get calls on that)- I was extremely hesitant to pick up for fear that I'd hear meow-ing or that guttural throat sound. OMG, I don't think I'll be able to look at kids or cats for the next couple days; and if the lights flicker or my Winamp starts skipping, I'll probably have a heartattack and die, hahaha.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total-obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
~ Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, from Frank Herbert's Dune

We were learning about how the intersection of two planes forms a line today in math discussion. And letting my mind wander, as I often do, I started thinking about the nature of intersecting space. I figure, if two 1-dimensional objects (lines) intersect to form a 0-dimensioned object (point), and two 2-dimensional objects (planes) intersect to form a 1-dimensional object (line), shouldn't it follow that the intersection of two 3-dimensional objects (spaces?) should be a 2-dimensional object (plane)? But it's weird, cuz when you think about it, it seems like the intersecion of two spaces should just be another space, right? I spent a good portion of the rest of the day pondering this idea.

And I got to thinking... to get lines to intersect (and not just be identical lines), you have to see them in 2 dimensions; and to get planes to intersect, you have to see it in 3 dimensions; so I guess to properly visualize the intersection of spaces, you'd have to be able to visualize it in 4 dimensions. Man, I like strained my brain pondering the nature of the 4th dimension, and to very little success, obviously. Geez, I haven't been all WAAAAHHH thinking about higher order dimensions like this since I read Flatland back in 11th grade... "Upward, not Northward." Part 1 was sooooo boring, I almost didn't make it to Part 2, which is where all the good stuff is. A very thought-provoking read- I highly recommend it.

Uggggghhhh... it's been a horrendously long day. I tripped down the stairs... well, only one stair, actually. But my arms flailed as I slipped, and I scraped my hand across the wall and broke a nail. (Shut up! I know it sounds girly, but it hurt like hell.) And then later in the day, I went in to the SSB to get my foot checked out (again, seeing as how I'd already been there yesterday), and I had to wait... and wait... and wait. And during my wait, I realized that my ankle was starting to hurt quite significantly. Not thinking through the other events of the day, I got to thinking maybe the splinter was worse than I thought, and maybe there was some kind of vicious infection or something spreading through my leg that would require amputation. I panicked and panicked until I thought things through and realized that the pain was probably due to the earlier tripping down the stairs episode and not the splinter. (*whew*)

So anyways, I waited for about an hour and a half before they finally tell me that they're swamped for the day, and would like to reschedule me since my case "wasn't as urgent." So I got an appointment for Friday and left.

And man, it's only been like a week since school started, and I already turned in a half-completed hw assignment. I didn't even know it was due... it very well coulda been no hw turned in at all. *siiiiigh* deadlines sure do creep up on you. =/

Then, the Asian Engineering Society held a meeting/bbq today. I was one of the people in charge of the food, so I was grilling meat for a good hour and a half... I had a raspy cough and plenty of trouble breathing afterwards... the bag of coal did have a warning about carbon monoxide and all...

Then I powerwalked back to my dorm, changed, and went to the TASA meeting. Pretty uneventful. Saw some people I don't get to see very often (the "church dorm" people). I was gonna go to wushu after that, but I was feeling too tired, so I decided to call it a day and come home. Man, days are so long without naps, hahaha.