The Mad Scientists' Corner (Vol. 5). The inventive part of the ol' noggin at work again.

6-Ply Toilet Paper. I've said it before and I'll say it again: one-ply toilet paper is the work of the devil! Two-ply is the norm, and I think if you're truly baller, there's some 3-ply to be had out there. But one thing I've noticed, and I'm sure most do instinctively, is that the number of sheets you need is inversely proportional to the ply count. That is, a job that takes maybe three 2-ply sheets may take like six single-ply sheets. The total number of laminae must be equal to or greater than a critical minimum to maintain manual sanitation amidst rectal purification. For my own bum at least, I've come to the numerical average of approximately 6 plies total for one typical "go" at the job. But you know, if ever there was a task that could be made more efficient in the bathroom, it's all that time we spend folding toilet paper. So I figure, why not just eliminate that entire step from the process? Instead of taking lower-ply sheets and folding 'em to achieve the faux higher ply count, why not just manufacture the toilet paper with like 6 layers? Then all you'd need to do is tear off a single 6-ply sheet to do the job. Simple, easy. I think until we get that 3 seashells thing happening, this would have to suffice.

Disposable Pan Lining. I really hate doing dishes, so whenever possible (and I don't feel too cheap about it), I use like paper plates, bowls, cups, plasticware, and the like. Hell, they even have disposable cutting boards now too. But I've realized that even when I go uber cheap/lazy like that, I still have to wash the pots & pans and whatnot that I cooked with. If only there was a method of cooking something, and then tossing the vessel used for heating. I thought about it, and I guess a crude solution would be to line the pans with foil, and toss the foil afterwards. But I don't think foil is hardy enough to survive many cooking situations; plus I hear it's terrible for you to chew/eat foil, should it happen to come apart during the cooking process. No, this would require some non-stick, heat (melt)/oil/chemical resistant material that's still versatile or pliable enough to fit the vast assortment of pot/pan/wok shapes/sizes out there. (And of course, it still needs to conduct heat from pan to food well enough that you're still actually cooking.) I thought maybe it'd be cool if it came in spray form, and it quickly solidified and caked around the pan, and afterwards you could just peel it off and toss it. I dunno, this idea still needs some more thought regarding implementation.

Strategic Tanning/Contouring. I went and played golf with my dad the other day, and I was wearing an unbuttoned polo shirt and apparently didn't apply enough sunblock to my neck region. I ended up getting a light sunburn on my lower neck/upper chest in the slight V-shape of the polo shirt collar opening. Once the sunburn subsided into tan, I looked into the mirror barechested and noticed that curiously, the V-shaped tan accentuated the upper, inner curvature of my pecs. Later that night, the topic of contouring makeup came into a conversation between me and some friends. Apparently, with the aid of contouring makeup, women (and some men) can accentuate their bone structure, make their faces look fatter/thinner. Hell, you could probably make it look like you had 5 cheekbones if you wanted. Well later on, I got to thinking, can't you achieve a lot of the shadowing effects of contouring makeup through a little bit of creative tanning? A subtle, strategically placed tanline could totally help accentuate (exaggerate) the "cuts" of muscle definition. With a little bit of study, I'm sure you could create like a tanning suit (to block out light in areas to remain light-skinned, and allow it through in areas to be tanned) to be worn by the weekend warrior for use during tanning to achieve that cut, muscular look. It'd be like contouring makeup, except all over your body, and without the need for repetitive application, cuz hey, it's a tan, ya know?

Previous Edition>>

I had this crazy dream last night (after a night of drunken revelry). It was one of those where you wake up and are like man, that was kinda cool! But yea, I always have these multi-part dreams where like the ground rules and plot are laid out in like an exposition of sorts, and then the rules completely change in the next act(s).

Part I. I find out that the government has secretly been monitoring everyone alive through some kind of biometric surveillance system or something. And they tell me that I'm an unregistered anomaly in the system. Everyone else, every human sends out a signal to their tracking system, but I don't have a signal. They tell me that I'm not a human being and therefore must be eliminated, and thus ensues a big chase scene, followed by hiding out. Just as I'm about to give up, I wind up in a bar/theatre watching (ballet) dancing girls with very moving music playing in the background. And I find myself thinking, if I'm not human, then why is it that I'm moved by this dance? by this music? Are these feelings not what make us human? If I am conscious and fearful of my death, does that not mean I'm human? (Very "I think, therefore I am" kinda stuff.) I decide that regardless of my circumstances, these feelings and my self-awareness are enough to justify my existence, so I want to keep on living. But then the feds show up again and start beating me up, and I block using my arm, then the skin peels away and reveals like electronics underneath. I realize I'm an android, and truly not human after all. Shocked at this, I try to escape again, but they stop me and beat me until I'm terminated. -End Part I- (I've been thinking about this part of my dream a lot today, and it keeps making me think of Blade Runner. Made me think a lot about the nature of A.I. and all kindsa existentialist stuff.)

Part II. I guess if I interpret this part of the dream to be a continuation of everything before, this would be like the afterlife portion. I find out that life is just like an RPG. And the whole phase that we spend in our human bodies is like that newbie phase where you have to complete these mundane tasks before we can evolve and choose like a new character class. I remember centaur, harpy, and sasquatch were like a few of the many "evolved" states we could morph to from human. This part of the dream was all like cartoony and videogamish and stuff. But I woke up while I was still in the character creation portion.

*Recap entry. So life in Austin (atx, capital of Tey-HOSS, whatever) has been pretty mundane. This research thing just doesn't really do it for me as a kinda driving passion of any sort.

To kill the boredom, I've started taking Muay Thai (Thai kickboxing). It's really tough training, but as a result I feel like I'm in the best shape I've been in since high school (in terms of stamina and the like). My shins and feet are in like a perpetually bruised state though. But yea, ok, so my second week into it, after class, I was peeing and I caught a peek at my undies, and there was this red splotch. And I was like, OMG, I'm peeing BLOOD! But then I looked in the toilet, and was like, heeeey, that can't be right, the stuff in the toilet's still yellow ...turns out the dye from my new red pants that I was wearing was coming off and staining the whitey tighties. I was relieved and amused.

I went to see Margaret Cho performing on 6/10 as part of her Assassin tour. It was hilarious, as is most of her work, so long as you agree with her politics (, which I do). The members of the audience were quite... [colorful], but I guess that was to be expected. I also went and watched "Riverdance" on 6/19. It was alright I guess; I don't think I have the proper background/education to fully appreciate that kinda dance stuff. Like from a technical standpoint, I suppose it was quite a display of fleetness of foot, but other than that, I guess I don't have a whole lot to say about it. Seemed like it was just the same trick rehashed like 5 different ways. I dunno, maybe you appreciate that stuff more if you've got some Irish blood in ye. I finished up that night with a bowl of Lucky Charms to get in that Irish spirit... and bathed with Irish Spring afterwards. =P

Been watching a lot of anime recently. I finished off Gungrave in a little over a day. It was good up until they introduced the whole zombie thing, after which it just got kinda weird. I think the series had a good "moral" of sorts: live life by a code, but know when there must be compassionate exceptions to this "Iron Law." I also finished up Hunter x Hunter and all the accompanying OVA's. It was a fun series, though it leaves a couple loose ends untied at the end. The underlying theme was friendship, which makes for a lighthearted story. I was very intrigued by the concept of "nen"; they gave some pretty detailed descriptions of the theory behind this internal energy (like chi/chakra?)- I wonder if there's any truth to it.

*Celebrating my 4th blog birthday.

"Another day another dollar..."