NOTE: All posts for the month of July were written after the fact or transcribed from handwritten journal.

Loveboat: selected anecdotes. (i.e. the days I actually wrote stuff down) Most of the sightseeing/scenery stuff was completely forgettable, and therefore will not be mentioned. More heartfelt thoughts will be written about in separate entries later.

7/2 - More or less a free day. Shopped the whole day, then went to Plush at night (it was packed with abc's). It's kinda funny: at this stage we were still trying to be all sneaky about going out after curfew. I was doing the James Bond thing and proceeded to trip down the stairs.

7/4 - Visited FoGuang Mt., a Buddhist temple/complex; a looooooot of Buddha statues. At night, we went to the LiuHe night market in Kaoshiung. It's no ShiLin, but it was ok I guess. We went and ate snake meat and drank snake's blood- it was vicious. The meat just tasted like chicken, but the blood was crazy. I thought it'd taste a lot more meaty, but it was like alcohol, straight up... unless those snakes have firewater running through their veins, which would be hoss, hahaha. But yea, it had an aftertaste kinda like suan mei- those sour dried plums or whatever. Later we ended up going to a club called Viva. Tiny little dancelfoor, but it was all-you-can-drink, so that was good I guess. The loveboaters were like the entire party though. But dang, didn't have club clothes since we're travelling every day for a week, and I didn't think we'd be going out. So the lesson learned is that no matter how short the duration, loveboaters will find/make a party. Always still have to wake up at like 8 in the morning though. And they talk to us on the bus so it's hard to sleep. Ugghhh... getting so sleep-deprived.

7/5 - Stayed at this hotel by the ocean (kinda). They had a "night market" of sorts that was kinda piddly. We ate snails; man, one bag is like humongous- it took us foreeeever to finish.

7/7 - Went biking today along this scenic trail thing where they only allow bikes and mopeds. It was pretty tedious, but fun. Then we went to a tea farm/research center and learned how tea is made. We spent the night at a hotel affiliatd with an aboriginal tribe, the BeiNan. We did some arts & crafts and made our own muaji- fun times. Then at night, we watched the aboriginal performance group doing their thing. But yea, this place was out in the boonies, so there was nothing to do at night. There were a hell of a lot of bugs though- and HUGE ones, at that. We caught two beetles (one with horns and one without), and we put them together in a cup and they started fighting. It was pretty vicious, but the horned one slaughtered the other. The unhorned one did escape the deathgrip, so we did a Caesar-style thumbs up and spared it.

7/9 - We went to Taroko (TaiLuoKe) National Park today. It's a mountain scenic area, and honestly, it's been the only breathtaking sightseeing location yet. It's this really picturesque gorge with waterfalls and the whole bit. It was the only place on the whole trip that I was actually glad they woke us up. Later on, we stayed at TouCheng Leisure Farm. It wasn't as ghetto as it sounded. As always though, they tried to cram too many activities into a short amount of time. Like we tried to make these yam ovens out of mud & dirt. Our hands got all disgusting and everything, but no one finished so everyone just had the yams that the pros made. We also did arts & crafts and made food and stuff. Oh yea, and I tossed my cookies on a dare to chug a 1.75 liter bottle of coke.

7/10 - Went to a club called Seduce in Taichung. It was pretty nice, but too small. They made us split our horde into two smaller herds and go in at separate times. Spent a ton of money on room temperature Smirnoff Ice's.

7/11 - Went to a club called Pig Pen. They were playing terrible music, but using the power of large groups, we got them to play hip hop. Free drinks all night, but limited selection. Got pretty wasted tried out a cigarette.

7/14 - Visited the ChungYo mall in Taichung. Pretty standard as far as malls go, but they had theme-bathrooms! It's hard to describe, just cuz it was such a bizarre concept, but it was really cool. If I ever get rich, I'm gonna have theme bathrooms in my mansion, hahaha.

7/15 - They took us to visit the ChungHwa Telecom headquarters and made us listen to a presentation that I'm pretty sure no one understood. It was a technical speech about how their routers do their thing and that kinda stuff.

7/16 - They took us to a postal museum, which was kinda dull. Then we went to the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial, which I've been to about a billion times. Can't imagine a tour without it though... like going to San Antonio and not seeing the Alamo. Anyways, they had us staying in the Armed Forces Hero House. It's a pretty crappy hotel; they didn't have towels: instead, they had like these giant paper towels... kinda funny, actually. But yea, on the plus side, it's like right next to HsiMenDing. (I think) we went to Party Room/Plush at night, where I proceeded to toss my cookies.

7/17 - Today was the massive assembly/carnival where all the overseas study groups in Taiwan met up. It was pretty fun, and they had the best lion dance show I've seen live, though I may be biased cuz this is the only time I've seen lions on stilts in person. They also had an insane Chinese yoyo performance. The Taiwanese Vice-President gave a speech to us also. I was kinda disappointed cuz it was originally scheduled to be the real President, "a-Bian." Sheisty.

7/18 - We had free time in Taipei today, so I went home and saw my relatives. Didn't really do much for most of the day. Had sushi for dinner, then saw my cousin's marching band (JianZhong?) performing in front of the CKS memorial.

7/20 - We had a crash course in taichi this morning, which I liked muchly. I think the importance of waist movement was the most significant lesson I walked away with. Then we did some Chinese calligraphy. It's so sad to see how you've regressed at something you used to be good at. =/ Went to Pig Pen again and got extremely drunk. Drunken amorous interlude.

7/21 - Got a brief lesson in the Chinese language today. It was completely useless though, cuz everyone in the camp is at different levels of Chinese fluency, and the lesson wasn't targeted specifically at any of 'em, so it ranged drastically between too simple and absurdly difficult. We painted (Chinese opera-style) masks today. I made mine a human with skin peeling off to reveal a snake underneath- very Orochimaru-esque.

7/23 - We went to the Nine Tribes (JiuZhu) amusement park today. They had like one good roller coaster: the Mayan Adventure- a suspension coaster with loops, corkscrews, and the works. Kinda funny that the aborigines have this theme park here though. Oh well, I guess it's like how our Injuns have casinos, haha. But yea, they had an archery booth at the park, and I decided to take a whirl. Man, I guess my form got really bad, but the string whacked me in the arm like 5 times and gave me a pretty nasty bruise. =/ At night, they had a dancing party with the counselors chaperoning... it was really goofy and awkward. Good effort, but something was just missing (i.e. firewater), haha.

7/24 - They took us to an internet cafe today, but we had like too many people, so we had to kick out the locals from like 3 or 4 different cafes, hahaha. I don't really get why this was part of the tour though, unless it was to experience the lifestyle of Taiwanese youth?

7/25 - Pig Pen again.

7/26 - We had a closing ceremony today where all the groups had to do a mini-performance. I had a grand role of beating a pot with a spoon in the percussion section, hahah. Then they had a slideshow of like the most awkward pictures on the trip.

7/27 - We went to the (GuGong) Palace Museum, which is usually fabulous, but was under renovation, so like 90% of the place was closed off. Didn't get to see the famous cabbage jade or the fatty pork rock.

7/28 - Went to a nightclub called Luxy. The interior was really nice (, or I was really drunk... or both, hahaha). The last night of dancing and partying with the whole group; it was great. Also met up with some people from the Taipei camp.

7/30 - Everybody (remaining) left today. It was really sad, like high school graduation all over again- saying goodbye to lots of people that you'll probably never see again (unless they go to the same college). A lot of hugs and handshakes. Pain in my chest, but no tears shed. A sorrowful goodbye.

-THE END-

Yet another toilet adventure. omg, the worst thing happened. I feel sub-human. Ok, so my roommates have been sick the last couple days, so they use up all the tissues and go to the toilet paper next. So we'd packed everything up in our room and were getting ready to leave when I suddenly need to take an emergency dump (or "smash" as it's called in the Northeast, I learned). Well, lo and behold, after I'd gone about my business, I realize that there's no toilet paper left. I call out to my roommate still in the room, and he says there's no tissues outside either. And my emergency stash of toilet paper that I keep in my bag had been depleted too. It was awful. At first I thought about using the towels, but decided that that was just wrong. After much hesitation, I finally decided to hop into the bathtub and do some bidet action. Uggghhh, I felt like an animal, splashing water on my bum, yeccchhhh. It's just plain un-American!

"I kissed a drunk girl on the lips
I let my guard down
How could I have been so dumb?
Her eyes were open,
I know I am not the one
I know I am not the one
***
Why do I do these things I do to myself
I kissed a drunk girl
I'm sure I could have been anybody else
Anybody else"
~Something Corporate - Drunk Girl

We were both drunk actually. Things got awkward afterwards.

I tried my first cigarette tonight. I guess it's true what they say about alcohol being a gateway drug. Well anyways, it felt like my lungs were on fire and I coughed like hell. Kevin told me to breathe in deeper, but it was absolutely torturous trying to keep the smoke inside. I nearly threw up, and I gave up after half a stick. Conclusion: cigarettes aren't for me.

We went biking today on like these mini-roads where you can only bike or moped- and they weren't about to let us moped. But man, I hadn't biked in years. It does come back pretty fast - "jest like riding a bike," eh? ...or just trusting in the physics of gyroscopic motion to save your butt. The uphill was pretty torturous, but the ride back was nice. Had to cool off with a Super Supau afterwards- classic Taiwanese, haha.

As we were leaving the tea center, our bus got into an accident- it ran into a Mercedes-Benz, hahaha. Foot wide dent on the Benz; a scratch on the bus. By law, I think it was our fault, but it was very bad driving manners on their part. And then they called in the cops to do an accident report. But did I mention that our group has a police escort everywhere we go? Heheheh. So the cops that showed up were the one's in the OCAC's pocket, hahaha. They packed our group onto the other buses and shipped us out before we could see what happened though.

The Taiwanese people seem to do a lot of things differently from how we do in the states. Firstly they don't seem to know the wonder of shower curtains. Only like one hotel we've stayed at so far has had them, so we always splash all over the place.

Next, public restrooms never have toilet paper. Therefore, Serena had this theory that this is the reason why we always grab like a zillion napkins (the "Asian quantity") whenever we go to restaurants- it's cuz our minds have been hardwired to pick up our toilet paper for later. Makes sense, no?

The heat here is starting to get crazy. I just wasn't bred for this. I'm a creature of air conditioning. The weather just saps you of all your energy and you start feeling like a zombie.

But yea, once you get off the bus the intense sun pours down on your skin and you just don't feel like doing anything anymore. It fels like you're just going through the actions (or rather, being dragged through them). You spend all the time off the bus wishing you were back on.

I mean, I've never been much of a fan of sightseeing, but the heat makes it especially excruciating. I just can't put any heart into trying to enjoy the scenery cuz it takes all my concentration not to go crazy and throw a hissy fit.

Gotta love how these urinals are lower for the stereotypical short Asian male, hahaha.

The squatter. Man, so I got in the stall with one of those squatter toilets, and I had my pants pulled down and got in the squatting position and everything... But I just couldn't do it. (It was like I had a critical drop in [pneumatic] pressure.) Maybe it was partially a fear of missing and pooing all over my pants or something. Or maybe it was just the whole unfamiliarity of the situation- man, I don't blame kids for having such a hard time potty-training. But yea, god, I hope I NEVER have to use a squatter toilet... EVER!

So I checked out of Tsing Hua yesterday. It was a little saddening to leave something I'd gotten used to. But anyways, the last couple days were frantic, trying to finish up all my work. Typical me though, right? Putting off work till the last minute? Anyways, I wrote a paper on my research (mainly just eloquently describing how I failed miserably, hahaha) and dug up some info for the writing center. It was a pain moving all my junk back to Taipei. Just like going home from regular college, it's surprising how much more crap you have to lug back than you remember hauling in.

Today, I went to the police dept. to try and get my visa extended, but it turned out to be a lot more complicated than I thought. The officer told me that doing the loveboat program would only get me an extension till the 30th when the program ends. That's only an extension of three days from the 27th when my regular visa expires. Not much use considering my ticket out of here is for August 9th. So now I have to get some bring some documentation to show how I'm related to the people I stay with (i.e. my grandparents)- he said I should bring a certified copy of my birth certificate and some form of Taiwan ID for my mom. Dude, I had no idea extending your visa was such a pain in the butt! I thought it was just like you drop in and say, "Hey, just giving y'all a heads up that I'll be crashing in your country for a bit longer. Ok, bye now." And that's it. Quite a disappointment. =/ Dang bureaucracy.

Anyways, check in for loveboat is today and tomorrow. I'll probably head over today and be AWOL from the internet for the better part of the month. Lemme post my cell number again before it gets flooded off the page: 0910-071-755

*Recap. I went and saw the Crystal Method performing live in Taipei this past weekend. They were spinning in a new club, MoS (Ministry of Sound), that just opened up earlier this year. It's supposed to be the biggest one in Asia, I believe- it's pretty huge. But yea, dude, this club's interior is awesome- MoS is the nicest club I've been to- ANYWHERE. Anyways, so yea, Crystal Method was awesome; they're like my favorite techno artist/group second only to Paul Oakenfold. Hadn't heard good techno in a club for ages. And it was a lot more fun solo dancing without the chance of being seen by anyone you know, hahaha. The firewater helped too, heheh.

I lost NT$2000 in a 4-round (East, South, West, North) sitting of mahjong with my relatives. SHEISTY! That's a hefty chunk of cash. Meh, all in the tribe though I guess.

My grandparents have one of those decked-out super toilets. The kind that's got an automatic toiletseat warmer and'll even squirt water at your butt... if you're into that. But yea, they keep the toiletseat warmer running, even in this hot hot summer weather. It's kinda annoying actually, cuz then it's too hot, and your butt gets all sweaty and uggghhhh... yea, it's pretty ewww. Conclusion? I think I'll stick to your standard toilet, thank you very much.

So let's see what else I've done here: went clubbing at Room18 (a nice club, but a tiny little thing) with my cousin, got coffee and saw Shrek 2 with Irene and her sister, ate at two different malls with Frances, and walked around HsiMenDing and took pictures with Louise. Fun times.