It's been a pretty bad day, cuz my phone BROKE! >:O But yea, the whole thing was just so coincidental. I was like wth? My BROTHER's the one that breaks phones in the family! This is totally uncharacteristic of me! Hah.

Anyways, so I was go-karting with my coworkers today after work, and during a crash I felt a little *snap* in my pocket. I didn't realize what had happened until awhile later when I pulled out the phone to check the time and was like "hey, how come the screen won't come on??" Then I realized the phone was BENT like 30 degrees in the middle! I was like =O. It was actually a slight bit HUMOROUS to tell the truth, before the shock and sadness settled in. =/

Luckily I had an old cell phone laying around at home so I won't be completely cut off from the world. But man, it's so hard going back to my old phone after having this sleek ultraslim one. You know in the movie Night at the Roxbury when the main characters get their phones taken away by their dad, but their mom is like "I can't stand the thought of you guys being out of contact" so she gives them those REALLY old cell phones- the ones the size of a SHOE. Well, that's kinda what it feels like trading back to my old phone- so big and clunky by comparison. =/ I feel like my pocket's full with just a phone in it- I dunno how I ever got by before. *le sigh* So yea, I dunno, maybe I should start phone shopping now. I've never actually gone out and bought my own phone before- I always wait for the free one that comes with renewing a contract. But I'm only like 9 months into a 2-year contract this time, and I dunno if I can wait it out another 1.25 years. >_< We'll see I guess. =/ *siiiiiiiiiiigh*

Zen and the Art of Muay Thai Psycho Maintenance. (...that was a pun/literary allusion, which most ppl except probably the Flash will miss, hah.) You know that scene/situation from that movie Kung Pow where this one character is like, “pay no attention to Wimp Lo, we purposely trained him wrong... as a joke.” Yea, well, sometimes that’s how I feel about the muay thai school I signed up with. Like, they have a normal class, and then a separate “fight training” class for ppl who pay more. And the fight training class looks pretty legit, but in the normal class, we just drill and drill and drill all day but don’t get to use our skills very much. The closest we get to the real deal is like 20%-power sparring. And I dunno, I really feel like I’m starting to lose the edge compared to when I trained in Austin. I feel like you have to taste a little bit of “real” combat every once in awhile otherwise you start getting soft.

Part of it is just plain confidence in your own abilities- the idea of believing you can be victorious, even when you're the underdog. And it's one thing to hold this thought at the top of your mind, and quite another to truly and deeply believe it in the core of your being. Mental toughness. It gets exponentially harder with the size of the opponent, I find, hah. But one of the first steps to becoming a "warrior" (as if I'm any kinda authority on the subject, hah; same probably goes for being any kinda athlete or competitor) probably involves conquering your fear(s). Namely, I guess is the fear of your opponent and fear of losing. But fear takes many forms...

Back in high school when I first started sparring in kung fu class, I remember the biggest jump in my fighting ability (or “power level,” in DBZ terms, heh) I ever experienced was when I managed to put a mental block on the fear of pain. (I’m sure probably most fighters worth their salt have to pass through that stage, but no one ever taught me, and I felt it was quite an accomplishment to have figured it out on my own.) Like, in the samurai philosophy, to be the best swordsman you can be, you have to get over the fear of death; realize you could die at any time, but be alright with it. It’s like that perfect zen-like state that allows you to put your body on the line without concern for its well-being. Similar idea for fist-fighting I guess, minus the actual dying part, hah.

It's like, the pain still exists, and you certainly still feel it, but like you temporarily wall off the area of your brain that responds to that. (It’s like you open up a couple “lotus gates,” to drop some Naruto terminology, hah.) But I think it’s an ability that you lose without at least semi-frequent practice. And maybe a certain bit of it is physical body conditioning (i.e. beating the nerves in your limbs to death), but I haven’t been able to get into “the zone” for awhile, and it kinda concerns me. =/ I feel like maybe I’m undergoing a slow & steady process of wussification.

And you know, I think this mindset permeates to a lot of fields outside of fighting as well. Like I remember talking to Yi-Lin about long-distance running one time, and he said that being a successful long-distance runner wasn't about training to the point where it doesn't hurt anymore- it's about training to the point where you're able to run through the pain, like being able to accept it and keep going.

And there's something kiiinda like that for weightlifting. But for me at least, good weightlifting was always about getting angry. I feel like I've plateaued recently, and I think that World of Warcraft warrior catchphrase: "Not enough rage" is pretty fitting. The rage motivates you and allows you to push past the point where you would normally quit, much like the pain tolerance training. Like if I had to theorize, I'd say that anger/rage is the easiest way to open up a couple lotus gates and tap into your body's reserves of adrenaline and whatever else without any other formal training. (Or distress in the case of women lifting cars to save their babies, hah.) And I guess maybe that's where the idea of the berserker comes from- kind of the pinnacle of the idea of using rage as a power amplifier to become fearless in combat. Kind of the polar opposite of the samurai's focused control and zen, I guess. But I think in the end, they're just 2 different ways to reach the same state of mind- one where you overcome all fear of pain & injury so you can throw yourself into battle or surpass your normal bodily limits.

Lotus gates, man, it's all about the LOTUS GATES! hahah

Living With the Parents. So my parents have been staying at my place for almost 2 weeks now, and I guess it hasn't been quite as bad as I imagined, but it hasn't exactly been a picnic either. They sleep in my living room, so if I come home late at night, I have to try to be super sneaky so as not to wake them up; and they sleep early, so then I’m basically cooped up in my room once they go to bed. The first couple days were probably the worst. Like my mom comes in and starts moving ALL my furniture and stuff around. And now, granted after I had a couple days to reflect on it, I decided it DID make more sense HER way, but like, I'm a creature of habit, and it just totally throws me off when my well-established routines get shuffled around.

And they bought me a dining table, and I dunno, it's alright, but it's just not really my style. But now that they've bought it for me, the azn cheapness in me will never throw it out- so now I'll have a table I’m not crazy about for the next like 5 years or more. And I guess that's a good overall analogy for why I was afraid of my parents living with me: after awhile, I'm living the life THEY want me to lead, and not the life I want for myself. Like when it was just me on my own and shopping for my own cups and dishware, my mom gave me a piece of advice that I really liked: "don't get too fixated on price; just buy something you LIKE and would be happy keeping for years." It's those kinds of small day-by-day decisions that add up to how you define your lifestyle, I think- like over the years, you start building your own style among the stuff you own and decorate your place with, and I can’t help but feel like my “style” right now is being skewed more towards my mom’s tastes. =/

On the plus side though, I haven't had to buy groceries, cook, or do dishes (well, use the dishwasher in my case, hah) since they got here, so it hasn't ALL been bad, heh.

Oh yea, so my parents signed up for dealer school here (like blackjack and craps)- I was kinda jealous, haha. They’ll probably finish that up in ~2 weeks then head out to LA. But yea, beyond that, they really have no certain gameplan for their long-term living situation though (or if they do, they haven't told me). They casually mention maybe settling down in Vegas, even though I've told them before, I don't see myself staying here for more than another year or 2 (if they really DO become dealers though, it might just work out). In my mind though, I think maybe their most viable options are to either buy a smaller place back in Dallas or just move back to Taiwan. But I dunno, maybe they're enjoying living the carefree life and not being tied down anywhere. I have no idea, but the uncertainty of it all is a little bit unsettling and irritating for me. =/

*I had surgery today to remove these 2 cysts on my chest that had been there since junior year of college (there musta been something seriously unsanitary about Jester) and never went away. The dermatologist described cysts as being like "pimples gone horribly horribly wrong." It starts off like a normal pimple, then your body responds wrong, and then you're left with a growth under your skin that never goes away. So I decided to get them sliced off cuz I FINALLY have health insurance.

Yea, so they said I couldn't shower for 2 days, and shouldn't exercise for like 2 WEEKS while the stitches heal. I dunno, I think the not exercising bothers me more than the not bathing, to tell the truth, hah. =X But yea, I guess I was originally debating whether or not to tell ppl about all this, cuz it's always undesirable to make yourself sound like diseased or in need of medical attention- makes you look WEAK, and that's TOTALLY not the image I'm going for, hah. But NOW, I guess I can walk around barechested without shame cuz I won't have those unsightly pimple-bumps anymore- time to hit the BEACH, haha. =D