Living With the Family. I’ve been staying with my folks all summer in Plano, and I gradually came to conclusion that I can never live with my parents for any prolonged period of time again. Every day I stay, I go a little bit crazy. For example, one of the big things is meals. Even though they’ve never said I have to, I feel kinda obligated to eat lunch and dinner with my folks unless I have other plans. That means taking meals at roughly noon and 6pm, regardless of whether I’m hungry or not. It’s like, you know in that movie Goodfellas, where the mobsters are at Joe Pesci’s place, and the mom wants ‘em to stay and eat even though they have urgent business, and unable to say no to the little old lady, they end up staying for a meal? It’s kinda like that. It’s not that I couldn’t have more freedom if I wanted, but I just can’t bring myself to exert my free will- for the small things it just doesn’t seem worth it. But small things add up, and at the end of the day, there’s just this kinda mildly frustrated feeling lingering. And I feel like if I don’t leave, it’ll never be my life; I just can’t live my life the way I want to here. I guess while I’m at home, the pace of my life is dictated for me, and my subconscious yearns for freedom and independence, to strike out on my own and be my own person.

It’s not that I don’t love my parents; of course I do. I just can’t really relate with them. We never have a whole lot to say to each other. Language barrier, largely. My Chinese isn’t good enough, and their English isn’t good enough for us to ever have any deep philosophical, political, or literary discussions. We can ask how each others’ days were, and maybe a few cursory opinions on this or that, but nothing very deep at all. We just don’t communicate well, and I think at some point, we just stopped making any real attempts. So we isolate ourselves in this big house of ours and I feel like a prisoner in solitary sometimes with no one to talk to. And you know that saying, there’s no place quite as lonely as in the middle of a crowd? Yea, I feel like I don’t really have any idea who my parents are and perhaps never will. Maybe they know who I am (or maybe my mom, at least), but they’re like strangers to me in a lot of regards. =/

Golfing. You know, golfing's always been one of those things that, to tell the truth, I'm not terribly fond of. I mean, I'll do it, but chances are I won't enjoy it a whole lot. I'm just not very good at it, and it leads to no little amount of frustration. But I do it because, like it or not, it's one of the few activities that my family can do together. I basically signed up for PE golf a year ago to learn how to do something with my dad.

It's kinda like how I feel about poker, I guess- I don't truly and deeply enjoy the game, but I play it for the company. It's an excuse to hang out with people who I probably wouldn't get a chance to otherwise. In the Naruto manga, there's a part where Naruto says he hates a guy's guts, but he'll work with him if it helps him reach his goal. On some level, I guess it's like that with me and golf- I DON'T much care for the game, but if that's the only way the family can spend some time together, then so be it, I'll suck it up and smack a ball around for a few hours.

I was a little bit upset recently when my parents were quite adamant about getting me a pair of golf shoes. (I didn't really want them, but I didn't feel like I could really say it to their faces.) I guess I felt like the implication was that after they had dropped a load of cash on equipment for me, I would be obligated to try a little harder and enjoy it a little more. But the fact is, I really only HAVE this much interest and enthusiasm for the game. I just CAN'T fake any more than I already am. Bah.

Sometimes, it's like I can't tell who's [accompanying] who- me or my dad. Like, I can tell he really wants to coach me and make me better, but I just don't like the game enough to WANT to practice and get real good at it. And on those real bad days, I don't even wanna be out there. And it's like, is HE doing ME the favor by coaching, or am I doing HIM the favor by being coached? I guess I ought to mention that my dad can be one of the most frustrating/annoying teachers in the world- he likes to say the same thing about 5 times, sometimes in different words, sometimes not. And in your head, you're just thinking, ok, OK, I GOT it already. And then I gotta spend like 10 seconds cooling off and clearing my head before I can hit the ball. I guess that's one of the things that's kinda weird about the game of golf for me- there's not a whole lotta room for emotion during the act. You can't dump your anger into a shot and expect it to come out well; adrenaline and fury do nothing for your game. It's an exercise in patience and controlling my temper though, that's for sure.

I dunno, but I guess golf is one of those things that's good to know how to do. Kinda like changing your oil, fixing the kitchen sink, tying all sorts of rope knots, planting a garden, tying a fishing line- none of which I really know how to do. Man, I better get on it.

Vacation Recap. So I was on roadtrip with my parents & grandparents the last 2 weeks. First and foremost, let me make it clear: being on roadtrip with your family is waaaaay different from being on roadtrip with your friends. It was definitely a test of my patience at times. Just being in such close proximity with your relatives for such a long time; it can get frustrating and/or infuriating at times. But overall, I guess it was memorable; and 5 or 10 years down the line, the good will probably overshadow the bad, and I'll think back and wonder why I didn't enjoy it more.

Anyways, we drove westward towards Las Vegas, stopping at various sites along the way- the Painted Desert/Petrified Forest was the only really notable spot I thought. We then met up with my brother who flew out to Las Vegas. We stayed a couple nights at Harrah's and a couple at Caesar's. I didn't really gamble as much as I woulda thought though, I did most of my gambling at Hooter's just cuz they had low limits. I actually ended up about $120 my first day, which I was quite happy with, cuz I've never been up at the end of a day before. For the whole trip though, I ended up down $80. =/

But yea, so the highlight of Vegas was definitely the buffets, heh. Though the Bellagio buffet wasn't quite as nice as I remembered. We had Sunday brunch at the Bally's though, and it was awesome, but freaking expensive. They had like lobster, stone crab, prime rib, caviar, and champagne though- I hadn't had good caviar in a really long time. Oh yea, and Hooter's has pretty decent prime rib (and mashed potatoes) too.

While in Vegas, I also caught a few shows. I watched Jubilee (the topless revue) with my grandpa; apparently he really likes topless shows (you learn something new about your relatives all the time, heh). Yea, he usually will say he wants to do something then forget like 10 minutes later, but this was all he could talk about for a whole day. So my parents had me take him to this show. Anyways, my grandpa liked it; I thought it was ok I guess. They could easily have stuck some bras on those girls and billed it as a family show though. I mean, I like boobs as much as the next warm blooded male, but they show the topless girls like 2 minutes in, and really they can't go up much from there. And after like 10 minutes, it's like you've seen all their tricks. It's not like they even try to draw attention to the fact that they're topless or try to sexualize/eroticize their boobs, they're just there, and I think that kinda cheapens the thrill of seeing boobs. To me, boobs are special, something to be celebrated, largely due to the fact that they're forbidden and rarely seen- kinda like how bare ankles supposedly turned on the Puritans or something. I think in general, when displaying boobies, it's not the quantity you show, it's how you show them, and I'm not sure this show took that into account.

I also saw Cirque du Soleil's O again. I remembered it as being better the first time around. They must change the clown skits all the time, cuz it seriously was not funny this time. But yea, we waited in line for standby tickets, and didn't get in until after the show had started a little bit. It was still a pretty enjoyable experience though.

We also played a couple rounds of golf at the Durango Hills golf course. It was ok I guess. I sucked it up horridly the first day, but did alright on the second. The course has a nice backdrop of mountain scenery, but it was basically a course of mostly par 3's, which gets kinda old.

From Las Vegas, we drove westward, making a stop at Death Valley. It was actually pretty interesting, but it was hot as hell. Literally like 130 degrees I think. From there, we headed to Lake Tahoe for the 4th of July. My mom saw on the travel channel or something that the fireworks were supposed to be amazing, so that's why we went. (That and my parents had a free stay. They're frequent Harrah's customers.) I think the fireworks are only special if you can see 'em reflected off the water of the lake, which we didn't. Me and my dad also went and watched an improv comedy show since it was free. It was ok I guess, the place was practically empty cuz it was on the 4th. So me & my dad were sitting by the front, and one of the comedians starts making fun of me. I didn't mind him insinuating I was gay, but he also made a few racist jokes, which I didn't take too kindly to. Well, granted that most of this guys' Asian jokes weren't very good in the first place. But I dunno, it's just harder for me to laugh at jokes about Asians unless it comes out of a fellow Asian's mouth.

From Lake Tahoe, we drove towards California, we went up towards San Francisco, where we met up with my brother again. Saw (most of) the 49-mile drive, Golden Gate Bridge, and Monterrey/Cannery Row. From there, we (+my brother) drove southwards to San Diego. We stayed at the Doubletree Golf Resort there on my brother's accumulated pointage. Played a round there, was ok I guess. Then I went and hung out with the Mouse for an evening. The next day, the family went and got some killer seafood at Point Loma, then we had dinner with my dad's friend and crashed at his spare condo. My brother flew back to NY that night.

From California, we headed back to Texas, stopping off at the Saguaro National Park to see the iconic cacti. And that basically wrapped up a 2-week jaunt across the US southwest.

*I read a lot during the dull moments of the drive, and I developed a bit of an eye twitch, which kinda freaked me out.