"Watch My Life Pass Me By in the Rearview Mirror." Sometimes I feel like I'm not really in control of my own life. It's like I'm in the passenger seat just being taken along for the ride, powerless to decide for myself what's gonna happen. It's fate behind the wheel, and I'm just a hostage in the car. Everyone thinks I'm making all these bold moves in my life, but I don't really even feel like I'm the one making them. It's just like the only options presenting themselves to me are the outlandish ones.
And I can't say that I didn't want this; hell, I asked for it... kinda. But you could no more blame the rats that scamper away when they sense the boat starting to sink. (It was equal part instinct as it was desire.) I just wanted it to be on MY terms. There are tough decisions to be made in life, and even indecision is itself a decision one way or the other. If I didn't make the decision myself now, it would've been made FOR me a year or two from now, and the outcome would have been much... [less palatable].
Make no mistake, if you refuse to voluntarily walk down the path that destiny lays before you, you WILL be dragged along kicking and screaming. There may not be any grand design underneath it all, but there's no stopping the forward progress of time, and of your life.
I've declared my intent to play along, and I've cast the dice (inaction is no longer an option), yet I find myself scared to watch as the dice roll to a stop and my future is decided. Am I ready to pull the trigger and accelerate the inevitable chain of events that have already been set in motion? Either way, in all likelihood, this will probably be settled in the next month or so. The east wind blows, and the temporary solace I've found here begins to crumble. "Pack your bags." =/
"All it takes is one decision,
a lotta guts, a little vision,
to wave your worries and cares goodbye."
~Placebo - Slave to the Wage
*Yes, I knooooow I used like 20 overplayed cliches in there. And if it all sounds terribly vague & cryptic, that was intentional. I don't wanna show my hand until all the cards have come out; don't wanna jinx it. If you're one of the few people who know what's been on my mind lately, let's keep it hush-hush for now, okay? I'll spill the beans publicly on all this when it all plays out and/or when I'm ready.
And I can't say that I didn't want this; hell, I asked for it... kinda. But you could no more blame the rats that scamper away when they sense the boat starting to sink. (It was equal part instinct as it was desire.) I just wanted it to be on MY terms. There are tough decisions to be made in life, and even indecision is itself a decision one way or the other. If I didn't make the decision myself now, it would've been made FOR me a year or two from now, and the outcome would have been much... [less palatable].
Make no mistake, if you refuse to voluntarily walk down the path that destiny lays before you, you WILL be dragged along kicking and screaming. There may not be any grand design underneath it all, but there's no stopping the forward progress of time, and of your life.
I've declared my intent to play along, and I've cast the dice (inaction is no longer an option), yet I find myself scared to watch as the dice roll to a stop and my future is decided. Am I ready to pull the trigger and accelerate the inevitable chain of events that have already been set in motion? Either way, in all likelihood, this will probably be settled in the next month or so. The east wind blows, and the temporary solace I've found here begins to crumble. "Pack your bags." =/
"All it takes is one decision,
a lotta guts, a little vision,
to wave your worries and cares goodbye."
~Placebo - Slave to the Wage
*Yes, I knooooow I used like 20 overplayed cliches in there. And if it all sounds terribly vague & cryptic, that was intentional. I don't wanna show my hand until all the cards have come out; don't wanna jinx it. If you're one of the few people who know what's been on my mind lately, let's keep it hush-hush for now, okay? I'll spill the beans publicly on all this when it all plays out and/or when I'm ready.
posted by Dear Daniel at 4:23 PM
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