Bad Karma. I feel like my karma balance has been low lately. Just a lot of unpleasantness and not enough good things in my life. And I'm not really sure if the world works according to the simplistic notion that doing good deeds will bring good your way. Or that if you're evil, then bad things will happen to you. But I DO know that converse is true: when bad things happen to you, you feel like doing bad things too. Ill will perpetuates itself.

And I dunno, maybe karma is like inductance- how a current causes a magnetic field, but how you can also cause current with a magnetic field. That concept, as applied to the universe around you and the actions you take. Good begets good, bad beget bad.

Unpleasant things have been happening and circulating around me for quite some time now, and I feel like I've really held it against the rest of the world and let it hamper my capability for doing good. (Hell, I've flat out SAID I'd sooner be a supervillain than a superhero these days.) I don't think anyone is born evil; you become that way as the product of the societies that raises you and the events that influence your life.

I dunno, I guess the point I was originally getting at is that maybe it's a positive feedback loop. Where bad things have happened to me, so I do bad things, which causes more bad things to happen, which causes me to do more bad, etc. Maybe the only way to stop all this crap from happening to me is to make the first move and spread more good into the world?

I dunno though, is that a really greedy & selfish reason for doing good deeds? Cuz you expect the universe to repay you? UGH! I feel like there's just no winning on this issue. And I'm so bitter in life at this point that I don't think I even have the capacity to do good for its own sake.

...I'm not a good person. =/