Psychological Status Report. I don't think I've found a lasting happiness, but at least I'm content with my current position (in life?)- and that's something I haven't felt in nearly a year now. I may not bound out of bed with curiosity for what adventures the day may bring, but at least I don't dread the morrow every eve.
I AM enjoying myself here, but I worry that it's not because of where I am, but because of where I'm not. This is fulfillment of that deep-seated fantasy to just run away from everything, from responsibility, from real life. This peaceful feeling is fleeting; I know it cannot last- you cannot turn your back on the future forever. But for now, for the short-term, things are good here. My life is pleasantly serene.
I'm not really sure what I wanted to get out of this trip- some sense of purpose to my life? Direction of some sort? I dunno. I don't know what I want to get out of this, but i just knew I had to get away. My life and my productivity were grinding to a halt back home. I was presented with barriers I wasn't ready to overcome. I don't know if I’m ready to overcome them yet, but at least I think I may be ready to face them again- triumph or fail.
Lessons Learned. It’s hard to put into words what I feel like I’ve gained here; it’s all so abstract. I still don't know who I wanna be, but I’m starting to find who I DON’T want to be. For starters, I don't want my life to revolve around money. Though it is the path (to happiness) for some; I know I cannot follow that same path and hope to arrive with the same result. That IS the whole point of this whole charade we call life, no? Trying to find happiness- no matter what form it may take? It’s the not knowing what does or will make you happy that's the kicker, eh?
It’s been amusing being immersed in another culture and learning the little things that make the people tick, why they are the way they are. How history, government policies, and religious values all play into cultural identity and tint people's perspectives on things. People here are so competitive, and it's fostered from young age by a bell curve and class ranks- it promotes the idea that only a few can be successful. The abandonment by the Allies in WW2 made the country paranoid about its own self defense and fosters the idea that you have to make it on your own. Countless factors play into it, and I feel like I'm barely beginning to scratch the surface. The notion of "culture" is a lot deeper than I would have imagined a few months ago.
Singapore’s the epitome of the melting pot concept. Chinese, Malay, and Indian cultural heritages with an English colonial finish. Some things mix, but lots still retain their sense of individuality- that leaves us with a population whose identity cannot be adequately described with broad generalizations. I think that's another thing to learn- that while it's easy (and sometimes fun) to categorize and stereotype, the stereotypes deny the personalities, the individualities. People aren't the living embodiments of the cultures they come from; in the end, they're just regular people with their own unique idiosyncrasies. "You are not your f-ing khakis." Yup, breaking down stereotypes- the obligatory lesson to be learned on any trip abroad, eh?
Try new things; sometimes you'd never have known what you were missing if you didn't venture outside your shell. This world's got more weird stuff than you can imagine, and you might just be surprised by what brings a smile to your face. Be adventurous- this is one of the only times in your life where you don't have to justify doing crazy stuff. How often do you see well-to-do businessmen shacking up in backpackers’ hostels with their buddies? The memories are worth a lot when you can't relive that lifestyle.
Being abroad makes you realize some of the things that are important to you. Sometimes you gotta take away what you've got to realize what you had in the first place. I miss friends, foods, the feeling of familiarity…
I fear the unknown, the uncertain. Thinking about the future scares me like no other. All these lingering questions about where the future will take me, what will become of friendships, these memories. What will become of friends sent their different ways? Will our paths bring us back together one day? Perhaps sooner than I think? I need the confidence that I can make it on my own. Was this trip about proving that to myself? Was it a willing separation of myself from everything I’d known- to see if I could make it? Trial by fire? I dunno, maybe I’m just grasping at straws now.
I AM enjoying myself here, but I worry that it's not because of where I am, but because of where I'm not. This is fulfillment of that deep-seated fantasy to just run away from everything, from responsibility, from real life. This peaceful feeling is fleeting; I know it cannot last- you cannot turn your back on the future forever. But for now, for the short-term, things are good here. My life is pleasantly serene.
I'm not really sure what I wanted to get out of this trip- some sense of purpose to my life? Direction of some sort? I dunno. I don't know what I want to get out of this, but i just knew I had to get away. My life and my productivity were grinding to a halt back home. I was presented with barriers I wasn't ready to overcome. I don't know if I’m ready to overcome them yet, but at least I think I may be ready to face them again- triumph or fail.
Lessons Learned. It’s hard to put into words what I feel like I’ve gained here; it’s all so abstract. I still don't know who I wanna be, but I’m starting to find who I DON’T want to be. For starters, I don't want my life to revolve around money. Though it is the path (to happiness) for some; I know I cannot follow that same path and hope to arrive with the same result. That IS the whole point of this whole charade we call life, no? Trying to find happiness- no matter what form it may take? It’s the not knowing what does or will make you happy that's the kicker, eh?
It’s been amusing being immersed in another culture and learning the little things that make the people tick, why they are the way they are. How history, government policies, and religious values all play into cultural identity and tint people's perspectives on things. People here are so competitive, and it's fostered from young age by a bell curve and class ranks- it promotes the idea that only a few can be successful. The abandonment by the Allies in WW2 made the country paranoid about its own self defense and fosters the idea that you have to make it on your own. Countless factors play into it, and I feel like I'm barely beginning to scratch the surface. The notion of "culture" is a lot deeper than I would have imagined a few months ago.
Singapore’s the epitome of the melting pot concept. Chinese, Malay, and Indian cultural heritages with an English colonial finish. Some things mix, but lots still retain their sense of individuality- that leaves us with a population whose identity cannot be adequately described with broad generalizations. I think that's another thing to learn- that while it's easy (and sometimes fun) to categorize and stereotype, the stereotypes deny the personalities, the individualities. People aren't the living embodiments of the cultures they come from; in the end, they're just regular people with their own unique idiosyncrasies. "You are not your f-ing khakis." Yup, breaking down stereotypes- the obligatory lesson to be learned on any trip abroad, eh?
Try new things; sometimes you'd never have known what you were missing if you didn't venture outside your shell. This world's got more weird stuff than you can imagine, and you might just be surprised by what brings a smile to your face. Be adventurous- this is one of the only times in your life where you don't have to justify doing crazy stuff. How often do you see well-to-do businessmen shacking up in backpackers’ hostels with their buddies? The memories are worth a lot when you can't relive that lifestyle.
Being abroad makes you realize some of the things that are important to you. Sometimes you gotta take away what you've got to realize what you had in the first place. I miss friends, foods, the feeling of familiarity…
I fear the unknown, the uncertain. Thinking about the future scares me like no other. All these lingering questions about where the future will take me, what will become of friendships, these memories. What will become of friends sent their different ways? Will our paths bring us back together one day? Perhaps sooner than I think? I need the confidence that I can make it on my own. Was this trip about proving that to myself? Was it a willing separation of myself from everything I’d known- to see if I could make it? Trial by fire? I dunno, maybe I’m just grasping at straws now.
posted by Dear Daniel at 4:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home