"I'm in shape- round is a shape!" I was working out at the gym with a coworker recently, and we were on the ellipticals when he asked "ok, are we done?" And my reply was "hold on... 5 more minutes. I wanna see how this cake turns out." (We were watching the Food Network.) And I laughed immediately after the words came out of my mouth, not just from the sheer weirdness of what I said, but at the recognition that I truly meant it when I said it.

And it was kind of a moment of realization for me. It was funny (and sad) cuz I knew no matter HOW amazing that cake turned out, I wouldn't be able to have any. And it made me question this whole thing of working out and the sacrifices we make in order to get in shape. And it made me wonder: Is this even WORTH it???

I haven't eaten fried chicken in who knows how long. I rarely eat dessert anymore. I started drinking diet sodas. I have to turn down food offered to me all the time. I've given up all these wonderful things in life in pursuit of physical fitness. And what's frustrating is, unless working out becomes my job, there'll always be room to improve- it'll never be good enough.

"The race for quality has no finish line- so technically it's more like a death march." ~Despair.com

At what point do you say "enough is enough! I wanna eat fried chicken again, dang it!" How much is having a good body worth to me? I mean, what ARE my fitness goals? When will all this pain & sacrifice finally be enough? I don't know- and I guess that's the root of my angst. (Or, I fear that I DO know, but that the bar is simply too high.) =/

"Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it." ~Don Herold