Plain Vanilla Kinda Life. I don't live a life of great passion and purpose. I feel like I'm living just to get by, without a whole lot of flavor. It's not a very admirable way to live, yet I don't feel like I'm trying very hard to change that. It's like I'm content to be just... well... content. I haven't experienced much great happiness or crushing sadness, no great highs or lows; everything's just kinda middle-ish. And yea, they say "you gotta take the sweets with the sours," but sometimes I can't help but think that that's better than this bland, flavorless existence of mine now. People always say, "Don't worry, it'll be alright. Things'll work out okay." ...but that's just it. Perhaps life is only meant to be "alright" for some of us, not spectacular.

And I've been thinking, maybe what it boils down to is that I don't deserve to be happy- I haven't worked hard enough for it, I haven't wanted anything enough. Yea, I'll want, but not with passion, not with purpose. I keep expecting everything nice to kinda just fall into my lap. Well, judging by where I stand, IT'S NOT WORKING! I've ended up with nothing, and I really have no one to blame but myself.

I gave up trying to change the world some time ago. I no longer feel like I have the power or the potential to be anything great. So here I stand, living my humdrum life, passing the days in mediocrity. We aren't all destined to live fairy tale lives, and at some point, you gotta consider that perhaps you're just the NPC-type character in someone else's epic hero story, romance novel, adventure book, rags-to-riches tale.

"because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a common place thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars"
~Jack Kerouac - On the Road

...yea, I wish I were like that. =/