Trip Reflections. This past half-year was the longest I’d ever gone outside the US at one time. And though it was a blast and on the surface level I definitely didn’t want things to end, on a deeper level, I knew it was about time to come home- I had reaped about all the benefits I could out of the trip and it was probably for the better letting things end on a good note.

When I got home, I wasn’t depressed like I had feared I might be. In fact, I finally felt like I truly knew what it meant to feel infinite for more than a fleeting instant. I don’t know how to put the feeling in exact words, but it felt kind of like the world was there and I was there, and we were both just cruising along and neither could hurt the other. I felt like I could accept what had happened and what was going to happen, and no matter what, things would be ok. And though I know that feeling of peace & tranquility can't possibly last, I’m savoring it for as long as it'll stick.

I went into Singapore an emotional mess, and came out feeling... pretty alright. During my junior year, for a combination of reasons that kinda snowballed dramatically, I found myself suffering from depression. Singapore gave me a chance to pick myself up, put the past behind me, and finally move on with my life. It restored my faith in the general decency of human beings and a lot of my self-confidence that had been missing. It helped me prove to myself again that I could connect with people socially/emotionally on some level, that it wasn’t just me by myself against the world.

But yea, I think it was also a chance for me to grow a bit emotionally. I realize now how in the past, I have at times been emotionally immature and a bit of a drama queen. I don't know if I’m "cured," per se, but admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery, right?

It also made me re-evaluate what things do and do not matter in life. Grades do NOT matter to me anymore (famous last words, I’m sure =P). At this point, I just wanna graduate and do some real work; I’m done with this school thing for awhile. I discovered that every once in awhile, you need to take some time out for yourself; whether it be to explore the city, or just to explore the depths of your own mind and thoughts- it fosters that sense of calm and self. I learned that when considering whether to seize upon an unlikely opportunity, consider how difficult it would be to get to the same place again should you choose to decline. Friends are extremely important; you don't miss 'em till they're gone. And not being able to help out a friend in need has got to be one worst feelings ever. Come hell or high water, you look out for your clan, even if it means sticking your own neck out on the line. (Looking back, the few times I’ve lapsed on this philosophy have been among the greatest regrets in my life.) “It’s all in the tribe,” and for the clan, your comrades, your true blue scoobydoos you do what you gotta do. We can't always help out everybody, but we always look out for our own.

Over the course of this trip, I had a chance to see a lot of underprivileged people and countries. And even when I did give donations and stuff, it just seemed so futile and powerless to sway the course of things. I couldn't help but think of Motorcycle Diaries; I saw roughly the same thing on my travels, but it didn't change me in the same way (i.e. it didn't turn me into a Communist revolutionary). I think all it did was make me very cynical about the ability of international economic policy to save people from their plight. Some things in life are not fair, and though I wish they could be changed, I feel like that power is so far out of our hands. There are just so many injustices that cannot easily be righted. Makes you think for a sec and realize how much we take for granted. =/