Original Jutsus. A quirky pastime of mine that I started doing in the past year or so is thinking up creative moves/techniques I'd like to have if I were an anime character. If you watch Naruto, you know that half the thrill is seeing what kind of interesting jutsus everyone has. And also, if you wanna be taken seriously as a ninja, you (or your clan) gotta have invented like at least one original jutsu (e.g. chidori). But yea, should I be a little concerned that my idle thoughts frequently revolve around thinking up elaborate ways to kill people?? Naaahhhh, hahaha- geez, I hope not. =/ (A variation on this game that I often play is to imagine how I would flip out and do my thing in the current room if I were a typical Western-style superhero; telekinesis is involved 9 times out of 10, fire 7 times out of 10.) Anyways, here are some of my original techniques:
Flesh rend. This one's a sword technique, and would be used in one of those classic samurai fights where they run past each other really fast, stand there for a second or two, and then one of them falls down dead. Well, my move would be such that instead of merely falling down dead, all their flesh comes off of their bones, leaving just a skeleton standing there. I got my inspiration from a story about a Chinese butcher of yore who was extremely good at his craft. Fellow butchers would ask, "how is it that you can go so long without changing knives?" To which he'd reply that the secret is to cut between and around the bones; find the path of least resistance. (I think the original story was supposed to be a political allegory of some sort, but that's besides the point.) So that would be the secret: cut around the bones... ALL of them. It'd have to be done blindingly fast; so fast that all they'd have time to say before falling apart like slow-roasted ribs is "好快的劍," heheh.
Resonance kill. If you study linear systems and/or control theory, you know that a system stimulated at its resonance frequency will basically [blow up]. Ever seen the footage of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge failure? That's the power of resonance. Well, take this idea and apply it to the human body. Now, I imagine if you were a sound nin, you could like punch someone, and from that, figure out the impulse response and the associated natural frequency of the opponent's body. From there, it'd just be a matter of sending out waves, or otherwise attacking at the right intervals. In theory, I think the opponent's body would tear itself apart from violent vibration- bones crumbling inside the body and the like (, at least that's what I like to imagine).
Pressure pains. Going scuba diving, they teach you about the dangers of sudden pressure change on the body. The damage from such, (known as dysbarism and/or barotrauma) can consist of ruptured eardrums, bleeding eyes & sinuses, exploding tooth cavities, severe lung damage, and air embolism (bubbles in the blood stream; "blood boiling"). Thinking back, I remember watching part of a movie where, as torture, they stick a guy in a pressure chamber and crank it up till his head explodes. Well, not hard to imagine how this could totally be used for a jutsu. During a fight, you'd slowly move the air around your opponent to increase or decrease the pressure (since slow pressure changes are largely harmless and unnoticeable). Then all of a sudden, reverse the flow of the air, causing a sudden pressure increase or decrease. Lungs exploding, blood boiling? Yea, you better believe that'd hurt like a mother.
Magnifier. Remember the oft told stories of kids burning ants with a magnifying glass? Now remember that glass is essentially made from sand. Thinking about this, it seems pretty reasonable that Gaara could totally make a huge magnifying lens, and then levitate it up in the sky to direct a super-powerful beam of sunlight at his opponent, burning him alive like an ant. This technique could also be used to produce an impromptu telescope for long range visual spying.
Some less well-thought out ideas... Using the fact that the human body is like 2/3 water, find a way to use microwaves to cook them alive like a piece of meat. Using the human body's low resistance to negative G's (acceleration towards their head?), create a gravitational singularity in their near vicinity. Wear gloves, each coated with one part of an explosive recipe, then when you strike the same spot with each fist, the second punch will have an added explosive damage bonus.
That's all I got for now. Anyone else got any creative jutsus? I'd like to hear about them.
*Also, I've been wondering: did ninjas have to bury their poop like cats to keep from being tracked?
Flesh rend. This one's a sword technique, and would be used in one of those classic samurai fights where they run past each other really fast, stand there for a second or two, and then one of them falls down dead. Well, my move would be such that instead of merely falling down dead, all their flesh comes off of their bones, leaving just a skeleton standing there. I got my inspiration from a story about a Chinese butcher of yore who was extremely good at his craft. Fellow butchers would ask, "how is it that you can go so long without changing knives?" To which he'd reply that the secret is to cut between and around the bones; find the path of least resistance. (I think the original story was supposed to be a political allegory of some sort, but that's besides the point.) So that would be the secret: cut around the bones... ALL of them. It'd have to be done blindingly fast; so fast that all they'd have time to say before falling apart like slow-roasted ribs is "好快的劍," heheh.
Resonance kill. If you study linear systems and/or control theory, you know that a system stimulated at its resonance frequency will basically [blow up]. Ever seen the footage of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge failure? That's the power of resonance. Well, take this idea and apply it to the human body. Now, I imagine if you were a sound nin, you could like punch someone, and from that, figure out the impulse response and the associated natural frequency of the opponent's body. From there, it'd just be a matter of sending out waves, or otherwise attacking at the right intervals. In theory, I think the opponent's body would tear itself apart from violent vibration- bones crumbling inside the body and the like (, at least that's what I like to imagine).
Pressure pains. Going scuba diving, they teach you about the dangers of sudden pressure change on the body. The damage from such, (known as dysbarism and/or barotrauma) can consist of ruptured eardrums, bleeding eyes & sinuses, exploding tooth cavities, severe lung damage, and air embolism (bubbles in the blood stream; "blood boiling"). Thinking back, I remember watching part of a movie where, as torture, they stick a guy in a pressure chamber and crank it up till his head explodes. Well, not hard to imagine how this could totally be used for a jutsu. During a fight, you'd slowly move the air around your opponent to increase or decrease the pressure (since slow pressure changes are largely harmless and unnoticeable). Then all of a sudden, reverse the flow of the air, causing a sudden pressure increase or decrease. Lungs exploding, blood boiling? Yea, you better believe that'd hurt like a mother.
Magnifier. Remember the oft told stories of kids burning ants with a magnifying glass? Now remember that glass is essentially made from sand. Thinking about this, it seems pretty reasonable that Gaara could totally make a huge magnifying lens, and then levitate it up in the sky to direct a super-powerful beam of sunlight at his opponent, burning him alive like an ant. This technique could also be used to produce an impromptu telescope for long range visual spying.
Some less well-thought out ideas... Using the fact that the human body is like 2/3 water, find a way to use microwaves to cook them alive like a piece of meat. Using the human body's low resistance to negative G's (acceleration towards their head?), create a gravitational singularity in their near vicinity. Wear gloves, each coated with one part of an explosive recipe, then when you strike the same spot with each fist, the second punch will have an added explosive damage bonus.
That's all I got for now. Anyone else got any creative jutsus? I'd like to hear about them.
*Also, I've been wondering: did ninjas have to bury their poop like cats to keep from being tracked?
posted by Dear Daniel at 1:01 AM
2 Comments:
you're amazing daniel. and the real good ninjas don't poop. they learn to use everything they eat effectively.
-terry
daniel. ninjas are a closed system. constant mass. that means they eat their own poop. poop that out. eat it. and so forth and so on. but they always shower after they poop (and eat). they're not animals afterall.
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