"I Hate Pigs." I remember back in elementary school (I think it was 1st or 2nd grade), we did this thing where we did a writing sample at the beginning of the year. Then at the end of the year we brought out the writing sample again to reflect on how much our writing and expression skills had developed. I remember my sample was something like: "I hate pigs. Pigs are dirty. Pigs smell bad..." Couldn't have been more than 5 simple sentences of 3 words each. And though it was hard to believe at the end of the year that I had written those words, the name on the paper and my handwriting were irrefutable. In the end, the exercise served as quite a lesson in how much we can develop in but a single year.

Well, something similar happened to me this past week. I was confronted with something I had written one, maybe two years ago. Pompous, childish words that screamed of immaturity and lack of understanding & compassion. Though I didn't want to believe that certain words had come from my hand, there was no denying that the words smacked of my tone, my style. So many better ways I could have expressed what I meant (; though in the dark recesses of my mind, I fear that at the time, I meant EXACTLY what I said.) Or perhaps those thoughts should not have been expressed at all. ("Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret." ~Laurence J. Peter) I regret now certain hurtful things I've said in the past without realizing. The words flow like water when you're angry or upset, and before you know it you've swept away a lot of the things that mattered.

However, I'd like to think I've grown/developed a bit since then- emotionally and psychologically. May life always grant us opportunities to LEARN from past mistakes and grow as people that we may never commit the same grievous errors again. Yet may we heal our wounds without becoming tough and callous.

On a vaguely related note, but mainly just cuz I liked it, here's a story for you (via Will):

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity... boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?" Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean?

The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

(I think psychologically I'm a carrot, but emotionally I'm an egg.)