Man, life's got me down at the moment. Thoughts about my future, what I really wanna do, etc etc. It occurred to me that I've been blindly following the path I'm on for years now without questioning. I've told myself that I wanted to be an aerospace engineer since around 6th grade or so (, by 8th grade I was "sure"). But seriously, at that age, can anyone really know what they wanna do for the rest of their life?
It's a real dilemma for me now, cuz up till now, I've always been pretty successful in my classes, and when you're doing well, what's not to like? But now, I'm getting owned in like every one of my classes, and suddenly, things aren't so fun anymore. And in the midst of all this, I'm starting to wonder: is this really what I want to do with my life? I haven't even evaluated my other options. I mean, as frufru as it may sound, what if I'd be really happy as like an art major or something, but I'll never know cuz I never even looked into it? Graaggghhh... darn this stupid engineering curriculum and its gay 12-hours-towards-your-major rule that stifles exploration into other fields. They say you're supposed to dabble around and find out what you like in college, but seriously, the engineering curriculum doesn't particularly lend itself to that... not if you wanna graduate in 4 years, at least. Hell, I'm a full year ahead from test credit, and I still feel trapped by the system.
I just hate thinking about the future these days, what I'll do after I graduate. Whereas I used to look ahead with optimism, my outlook is becoming more and more [subdued]. I'm really afraid that I'm gonna be stuck in a job I don't like- the thought haunts me like no other, keeps me up at night. I'm not looking forward to living the 9 to 5. I'm afraid that I'll be blindly working a job for years, and one day I'll stand up in a cubicle, take a look around, and just be like what the heck am I DOing??? It's like I can sense the mid-life crisis 20 years in advance. I'm scared stiff by the thought of leading an unrewarding, unfulfilling existence. They say: "Get a job you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life." Well by goll', I never wanna have to work.
And I guess these days, I'm kind of re-ordering the priorities in my life, and I'm having a hell of a time figuring out what's important to me now. Things were so simple back in high school: grades, science fair, kung fu. But now, like half of that isn't even relevant anymore. I'm trying to figure out what matters and what doesn't. I'm trying to find a new warcry for life, the kind of stuff that makes me strive for excellence in all things. I want to be 1337 again, not just another average joe- but to do so, I need to find something that gives my accomplishments meaning, a reason to try again, a reason to be all I can be... the search for meaning continues...
"I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kinda life."
~ Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life
It's a real dilemma for me now, cuz up till now, I've always been pretty successful in my classes, and when you're doing well, what's not to like? But now, I'm getting owned in like every one of my classes, and suddenly, things aren't so fun anymore. And in the midst of all this, I'm starting to wonder: is this really what I want to do with my life? I haven't even evaluated my other options. I mean, as frufru as it may sound, what if I'd be really happy as like an art major or something, but I'll never know cuz I never even looked into it? Graaggghhh... darn this stupid engineering curriculum and its gay 12-hours-towards-your-major rule that stifles exploration into other fields. They say you're supposed to dabble around and find out what you like in college, but seriously, the engineering curriculum doesn't particularly lend itself to that... not if you wanna graduate in 4 years, at least. Hell, I'm a full year ahead from test credit, and I still feel trapped by the system.
I just hate thinking about the future these days, what I'll do after I graduate. Whereas I used to look ahead with optimism, my outlook is becoming more and more [subdued]. I'm really afraid that I'm gonna be stuck in a job I don't like- the thought haunts me like no other, keeps me up at night. I'm not looking forward to living the 9 to 5. I'm afraid that I'll be blindly working a job for years, and one day I'll stand up in a cubicle, take a look around, and just be like what the heck am I DOing??? It's like I can sense the mid-life crisis 20 years in advance. I'm scared stiff by the thought of leading an unrewarding, unfulfilling existence. They say: "Get a job you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life." Well by goll', I never wanna have to work.
And I guess these days, I'm kind of re-ordering the priorities in my life, and I'm having a hell of a time figuring out what's important to me now. Things were so simple back in high school: grades, science fair, kung fu. But now, like half of that isn't even relevant anymore. I'm trying to figure out what matters and what doesn't. I'm trying to find a new warcry for life, the kind of stuff that makes me strive for excellence in all things. I want to be 1337 again, not just another average joe- but to do so, I need to find something that gives my accomplishments meaning, a reason to try again, a reason to be all I can be... the search for meaning continues...
"I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kinda life."
~ Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life
posted by Dear Daniel at 10:48 PM
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