I went back to kungfu tonight after several weeks with no real exercise. I think this is the first time I can honestly say I was on the verge of fainting. I had to stop and sit down, and when I closed my eyes, my body just kept telling me yea, just go to sleep, everything'll be aaaaalllll better, mwahahaha. My cardiac muscles are just so out of it. And I went to the doctor to check out this recurring cough/sore throat, and they did a breathing test, and it turns out that my small windpipes(?) are only operating at 58% efficiency. Tack that onto a whole list of problems, and it's no wonder I nearly passed out.

Man, it's so hard suddenly finding yourself so weak, especially in this environment where you'd previously prided yourself on your strength. It's so shameful having the tables turned and being the one who can't keep up. Dang it. I tried to remain half way cheerful, but I was pretty upset. I didn't really wanna look people in the face. How can I face them like this? ugghhh... I gotta get it back... soon.

*I dyed my hair red again. For me, I think it's very much an empowering thing. I know it's really just time away from home (since I only dye my hair here), but the redness of my hair seems to correspond to how physically in shape I am. It's like the embodiment and manifestation of my motivation and determination. Yea, it's like that- it's a symbol; the rallying point for my hopes; a battleflag, if you will. I swear upon this red hair which is my crest, I will regain my former strength!